Terrible ParentingMy parents used to lock my brother, sister and I in the car while they went to the pub for a "quick one" after work. This quick one might last several hours, during which they would send bottles of Indian Tonic Water to us by way of refreshment.
On one particularly cold evening, bored stupid, we lit a small bonfire on the back seat of the car using the cigarette lighter and the contents of the glove box. We owe our lives to passing winos. (BTW: Please no more Maddie or Jesus gags, they've been done.)
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Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 16 Aug 2007, 9:47)
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lies / subterfugeAs a child (all through primary school), I could never understand why i kept being sent to "play" with a lad called Simon that i REALLY didn't like.
Simon was an only child - spoilt, arrogant and generally a twat. (plus his mother couldn't cook for shite - malt viniger on salad!?!)
looking back on it now, seems it was always my dad's idea to go round there. (cue suspicion)
Turns out, that the dirty fucker had been having an affair with said mother of Simon (lets call her Denise - for that is her name)
and against all sense of decency, put me smack bang in the middle of it. (apparently my mum knew about the affair, but was told it had ended BEFORE i started school!)
what a bastard eh?
but wait, it gets better/worse...
**Denise is pregnant**
Turns out she has a husband who, for some reason he was never there when we would visit... (i wonder why)
(cue more suspicion - do i now have a half brother???)
Roll forward 15/20 years. Unaware of any suspicion, my dad still (unprompted) mentions Denise and Simon occationally. It's quite funny really, the sad fucker is using her name as a password for his e-mail...
I don't hate him for having an affair,
I do for the way he used me as a decoy.
/end of therapy sesion.
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Coventry, Tue 21 Aug 2007, 0:12,
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