It's Thursday, right?
Bob enjoyed his lucrative career working in the gold mines of Western Australia. The money was excellent, his expertise was revered and his workmates were a great bunch, always up for hijinks and drunken escapades. But he sat in the doctor's office, shattered by the news of the screening results. The toxins had so thoroughly infested his body, despite his vigorous health and amazing capacity to resist levels of alcohol that would kill lesser men, that at best he had a few days left to get his affairs in order. Despite recent advances, there was no treatment available that would be effective quickly enough to save him.
He left the clinic and returned to what he knew best. Half an hour later, he staggered from the pub and leaned heavily against a low circular wall. His head was spinning so he sat on the wall hoping the dizziness would subside. It seemed like the earth wobbled and he slid backwards and found himself bent double, plunging downwards, unable to grab at the slippery sides.
He regained consciousness in the water and somehow found a ladder. Up he went. Maybe it was this near death experience, maybe it was the icy cold water, maybe it was the slow climb from darkness to bright sunlight, but he had never felt better, more alive, once he returned to the surface. He went back to the doctor and insisted that the tests be performed again. To his delight, the results came back all clear. The doctor was confounded. "I suppose the first results might have been a false positive", he said, "but that is very unlikely when it comes to heavy metal poisoning."
But Bob knew there was a different explanation - well that arse chelated quakely.
( wakeupandsmellthebacon, Thu 16 Jan 2014, 8:13, 2 replies)

I'll be honest here
I would have put good money on getting through my whole life without the word "chelating" being used more-or-less in context on here.

You live and learn.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 16 Jan 2014, 11:52, closed)

I'm always surprised
when people express surprise at the nonsense that is shoehorned into a QotW answer. Especially when it's TortuousPunsday.
( wakeupandsmellthebacon, Thu 16 Jan 2014, 12:38, closed)