*Riiiiip*
"So you've never given birth before then?" asked Ken, an orange-skinned man in his fifties to one of my very pregnant colleagues.

I'd only been in the office for a couple of weeks, but Ken was well loved by pretty much everyone, and had a habit of saying the kind of things that few others would get away with. Partly by being cheeky and partly by being the boss.

"No, this is my first." replies Lisa, rubbing her hand protectively over her rather full belly. I'd been brought in to cover her work when she went on maternity leave, so she was almost 9 months gone and each time we spoke she shared her concerns about giving birth.

"Just remember Lis' " Ken continued, holding an A4 sheet of paper in his hands and tearing it slowly as he said the next line "This will be the sound of your fanny next month!"

I've never seen a girl go so white so quickly as poor Lisa did.

I never did find out if the aural prediction made by Ken was an accurate one or not.
( SeasonTicketless is too often the statue, and rarely the pigeon., Thu 18 Jun 2009, 17:57, 3 replies)

Not accurate
The horrible sound is if you need to do an episiotomy. Now that really does make a mank sound. Tearing doesn't really 'sound' as such.
(Clarabelle is reverting to type on, Thu 18 Jun 2009, 18:40, closed)

I'll take your word for it
My ex had 5 kids, all by C-Section. By the fifth one, re-opening the scar was similar to the sound you get when you undo a zip :)
( SeasonTicketless is too often the statue, and rarely the pigeon., Thu 18 Jun 2009, 20:05, closed)

mine was
kind of like the noise when you rub your eyeballs too hard, and get patterns
(Beer Elf Thought this was like a campfire, anyhow, on, Fri 19 Jun 2009, 12:33, closed)