I was sixteen and a virgin....
....working in the pizza store next door to the catholic church where I used to confess to Father Doherty (who used to shout at me for working sundays and would only go away if I gave him a free ham and pineapple...every fucking week) Anyway I was very very innocent and the boss..I shall call him 'Pete' as that twas his name...found out that it was the birthday of an equally sad and equally young pizza spinner so decided at the end of our shift would surprise the lad with a 'kissagram'. Picture the scene. Me, 'the lad', Eileen (56 year old assistant manager), Pete (knob) and various Asian and very religious delivery drivers stood nervously around at 2am in a tiny back pizza office clutching beakers of warm white wine. Anyhoo..'kissagram' arrives..except she's about 15 stone and drops her trenchcoat to perform a routine which would be thrown out of most clubs in Amsterdam for indecency while all the while 'Pete' whoops and cheers and the rest of us gaze at the floor and really try not to look at each other. Eileen eventually burst into tears and threw a 'company fleece' over the poor woman. Within six weeks everyone in the room had left the company in a fug of shame and embarrassment. Good work Pete!
(Betty Spencer did a whoopsie on the carpet on, Sat 20 Jun 2009, 2:09, Reply)