The Magic Bus
After a day out exploring a foreign land, we were attempting to return home. We'd managed to locate a bus stop which would probably take us toward the city, but there was no timetable and we had no local knowledge, so we were just waiting. The road in either direction stretched off into the distance, with no visible traffic. We had no idea if the buses ran hourly, daily, weekly or only when there was an X in the month. In my memory there was tumbleweed blowing around, but that's probably wishful thinking.

After about an hour, we were starting to get worried. There hadn't been any car traffic, so we couldn't even attempt to hitchhike, nor any passing locals to ask. And it was too far to walk - even if we had been sure about the direction. There was still no sign of a bus, not even a dust-cloud on the horizon to give us hope.

Then my companion had a brainwave. "Watch this," she said, "This ALWAYS works." And so saying, she took out a packet of cigarettes, and lit one up.

At the precise moment that she took her first long drag, a bus roared to a halt beside us, large as life and with a prominent "No Smoking" sign in the window. I have no idea what twisted dimension it emerged from, or whether it simply popped into existence merely to satisfy the rule that, the moment you light up, things will change so that you can't smoke it.

I don't smoke, but I now always carry cigarettes and a lighter, in case I'm ever stranded again.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 14:08, 7 replies)

I too have deliberately sparked a rollie to somehow trick the fates into making the bus appear.
See also, pretending to have a shit so the parcel force man turns up.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 14:39, closed)

expecting an important call?
attempt to curl one out, the phone'll be ringing within seconds.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 14:44, closed)

Oh yes, I'd forgotten that one
As a callow yoof I had a girlfriend who had no phone (this was before mobiles), so I had to wait for her to call me. I would simply have a bath; without fail, the phone would ring as soon as I settled back.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 15:29, closed)

Waiting for your mum to bring you a cuppa?
Headphones on, trousers down...
what no biscuit?
( wakeupandsmellthebacon, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 15:30, closed)

This post is excellent...

and the replies above are good too.

*clicks*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Mon 2 Apr 2012, 15:34, closed)

Also works in restaurants
Food taking a while to turn up? Announce to the table you're just popping for a quick ciggi and stand up, magically a waiter will appear with your food.
(Big Smurf Brush me daddy-O, Mon 2 Apr 2012, 22:41, closed)

Works if you nip for a piss as well.
My missus demonstrated ths brilliantly the other night. She hadn't even got five feet away from the table towards the toilet when the waiter appeared with our starters.
( Evil Bastardo, Tue 3 Apr 2012, 16:16, closed)