The furthest I've been away from civilisation ever. With Jesus spiders.
When I was 20 my girlfriend and I travelled around America for 5 weeks and one of our required stop-offs was St Paul, Minnesota to see her auntie. For some reason I can't recall said auntie decided it'd do us both good if we were left alone for 2 or 3 hours canoeing around a huge lake in the middle of nowhere.

The weather was fine so we didn't mind too much and this canoe was one of the open topped ones like the ones you see the Native Americans rowing around in the movies. It turned out to be quite fun for a while.

But then the girlfriend let out a shriek and scooted to the back of the boat where I was stationed. All she could do was point at a rather large and unusual looking spider whilst gibbering. Normally I don't mind spiders and certainly don't like killing them but in a foreign country and no idea whether it was bitey or poisonous I didn't want to take the risk. With some careful manouvering and deft use of the oar I managed to coax the beast onto the paddle and as I don't like actively killing spiders I punted it across the lake.

I was a hero. Sexual favours were guaranteed.

Right up until the point when we realised the spider hadn't broken the surface tension of the water and was legging it as fast as it could back to the boat.

"Shiiiiiiiiiiii....." we yelled as we paddled as fast as we could with this 8 legged bastard pursuing us across the water like Jesus himself. He caught up climbed back on the boat and sat on the prow like Kate Winslet. We left this stubborn beast alone but scooted back to shore as quick as we could.
( Airman Gabber Living life like a 70's BBC presenter, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 11:03, 4 replies)

Somehow
You've made me feel empathy for the spider.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 12:09, closed)

I'd like to think he had a long and fulfilling life.

( Airman Gabber Living life like a 70's BBC presenter, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 12:15, closed)

From what I heard he eventually sold the rights of his story to pixar and lived happily off the commission.

( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 12:50, closed)

"Sat on the prow like Kate Winslet"
Tea over keyboard moment, click.
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Thu 5 Apr 2012, 12:15, closed)