Paid to educate but got fucked up last night and really can't be arsed?
Drag yourself in a few minutes early and write "Dr. Shambolic is a cunt" on the chalk board. Roll it around to the back. When the bright young things have assembled eager and attentive, scrawl a few notes and then roll the board around to reveal the message. Blow a fuse. Insist that nobody leaves or does anything until somebody owns up to it. Have an hours kip while they sit and mumble amongst themselves.

n.b. only works if you live in the 1990s or some typhoid-ridden shithole where the poor fucks still use chalk
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 7 Feb 2013, 20:26, 18 replies)

"Chalk board"?
It's BLACKBOARD you PC ninny. It's BLACK and it's a BOARD. No black people were or will ever be offended by calling it a blackboard.

Guardian reading, yoghurt knitting, mung bean worshipping, organic food buying, lentil-dicked CUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNT.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Thu 7 Feb 2013, 21:09, closed)

Calm down, petal.
They've always been called chalk boards. For a start, they were green. You might want to have a nice cup of tea and perhaps consider being less preoccupied with colour.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 7 Feb 2013, 22:00, closed)

it's gypsum, not chalk
so the whole concept is a lie waiting to be exposed anyway.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Fri 8 Feb 2013, 0:11, closed)

And it isn't a board.
It's coated fabric mounted onto a pair of rotating cylinders.

The whole world is a lie.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 8:10, closed)

I'm
bored though.
(username failed moderation, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 10:19, closed)

Nah.
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 10:14, closed)

Also.
(username failed moderation, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 10:22, closed)

Fuck. I wonder if somewhere in that tiny bonehead you think you've actually made a point with that.
That would be depressingly stupid even for you.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 22:41, closed)

I can't believe that Happy Phantom would be such a massive fun sponge as to make some kind of nit-picking point in an effort to suck all the humour out of a humorous anecdote.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sun 10 Feb 2013, 20:23, closed)

Don't be unkind.
Dr Shambolic is upset on the internet. We don't need you making things worse.
(username failed moderation, Mon 11 Feb 2013, 9:07, closed)

You do know that 'not actually upset' isn't actually the same as 'upset', right?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Mon 11 Feb 2013, 20:34, closed)

Your writing is
very inelegant.

Too many actually's.
(username failed moderation, Tue 12 Feb 2013, 10:29, closed)

Green?
On what planet?!
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 20:25, closed)

This one.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 22:39, closed)

Bonus points if someone works out
How to do this with a projector and a locked computer with a powerpoint presentation.
(Sivvus trolley collision in the fruit aisle led to a jam, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 6:38, closed)

Probably simpler
to just stab the teacher with a kitchen knife.
(username failed moderation, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 11:46, closed)

Typhoid infested? Honestly, keep with the times.
We're infested by no more than malaria, dengue fever and a rapidly rising level of HIV - no typhoid for THIS shit hole thank you very much.
And I DO still have my peons working on chalkboards - just not these fancy modern 'swooshy-turney' things you've been tempting them with. I gave a VERY clear power-point presentation on this just the other day using my OWN room! I even used the interactive board for it.
(Howland C. Pousiccat sailed away, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 11:27, closed)

Awwww man.
Typhoid was my favourite.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 8 Feb 2013, 17:12, closed)