Sons and synonyms
As a slightly cheeky young'un of 6 or 7 I was busy hurling abuse at my younger brother to pass the time when it occurred to me that calling him a twit really wasn't hitting the mark. I mean, it just didn't have that real bite to it that says "I really fucking mean this...".

So, in an endeavour that lasted roughly all of 5 seconds I put to use my knowledge of vowels and how they can be used to replace other vowels in words (proper bright spark me!). You'll not be surprised to hear that it was during these few seconds that I, for the first time ever in the world, invented the word "twat". It certainly had a ring to it that made it much more menacing than twit but I was safe in the knowledge that it couldn't be a naughty word cos it was so close to twit. If Roald Dahl wrote books about twits then this new word of mine must definitely be above board. I'd been warned about the "S-word" or the "F-word" in the past but never the "T-word". Definitely all good and proper! Game on!

Or at least it was above board until mammy dearest arrived to hear son #1 balling out son #2 for being a twat at the top of his little lungs. Unsurprisingly she didn't believe that I'd just invented my new favourite word and demanded to know who'd told me it. "Which naughty little fecker from school has been teaching you a word like that?"
Obviously I was visibly affronted at the accusations for not only was I not lying, I'd now had my new favourite word banished forever and was under strict instruction never to mention that word to anyone else.

I've managed to keep my promise until just now so I'm sure you'll all be ecstatic to have this brand new insult to throw at each other day after day!

tl:dr twat
(Band of Rain, Tue 28 May 2013, 16:02, 5 replies)

I think Dr Seuss beat you to it
www.thepoke.co.uk/2012/02/23/dr-seuss-at-fashion-week-the-twat-in-the-hat/gallery/image/ngg-image-7209/
( Ghoti Fingers, Tue 28 May 2013, 16:04, closed)

Looks like I was reading the wrong kids' authors!
(Band of Rain, Tue 28 May 2013, 16:10, closed)

I have long believed that particularly apt name belonged to Jay Kay from Jamiroquai

( Infidel , shit and wrong, Tue 28 May 2013, 16:12, closed)

My mum called me a 'twat' once.
Using such words were unlike her so I pointed out I thought she may have meant 'twit' instead.
My dad chipped in with 'I think you do'.
Her: 'Nope.'
( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 28 May 2013, 16:36, closed)

My mother
used to call me "Oh you congenital idiot."
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Tue 28 May 2013, 23:18, closed)