I’ve never been very successful with women…

Perhaps it’s due to my overbearing sexism and lack of respect for women. Many’s the time I have referred to the fairer sex as ‘birds’, or ‘bits of fluff’.

Because of this, on a couple of occasions I have resorted to a dial up dating agency to enable me to relieve my nads of their excess tonnage.

But that’s where the trouble started…

At first, it was simple. ‘Make the call, girl comes over, straight sex’ kind of stuff. Mostly harmless. But after a while I got increasingly kinky and asked the ladies to stand there whilst I physically pushed them forcefully around the room. I even asked one to dress up as a secretary and do random administration duties…whilst all the time I was violently strangling my lamb cannon.

Unfortunately, the ladies on the agency soon refused to have anything to do with me, and I was banned from calling them again.

I got over it eventually, but often it is with deepest regret that I reminisce about:


‘Phone-A-Lay: the fluff I shoved and bossed’.


I know it’s only Friday…but meh
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 15 Aug 2008, 10:06, 6 replies)

christ
Thats awful! but now you have me thinking, I reckon I can rustle one up
(Halfy By light alone, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 10:09, closed)

Gets a click
For the use of the phrase "lamb cannon"
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 15 Aug 2008, 10:11, closed)

Pooflake!
Save it for Tuesday!
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 10:13, closed)

lamb cannon ftw
and it has just made me think of the term "meat spigot"

I like it


edit: I don't mean I like teh cock
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 10:18, closed)

*spangs*
it's too early.
(happylittletulip helpless and delicious, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 10:37, closed)

At least
It's a good one, for so early in the week.
(Sundayturkey has the biggest mug of tea, Fri 15 Aug 2008, 11:41, closed)