leatherback
The old bird living opposite my nan is a right old tight cow. She's on a water meter, whilst her next door neighbour isn't. She goes round his house with a bucket which she fills from his outside tap every morning so she can use it to flush her loo (which only gets flushed once a day after her morning poo). Talk about old ladies houses smelling of piss.

Her grandaughter came to stay for the week - the old cow lives at the sea-side. Her grandaughter had been given some spending money for the amusements, days out etc, the family knowing how tight she was and therefore unlikely to splash out on the kid herself. Her grandmother took this off her at the start of the holiday as 'keep'. Poor kid never left the house most of the week until my nan heard about it (saw the kid in her jimmy jams literally crying with boredom and frustration) and played hell. That kid never wanted for anything the last couple of days thanks to my nan taking her out and when her dad (old cow's son) found out he went apeshit.

The icing on the cake for my nan was when the old cow went on holiday for 8 weeks after christmas to Benidorm on the old wrinkly winter escape paid for by the winter fuel allowance and the benefits for the imaginary disabilities she had. She left my nan a key to her house so she could water plants etc. Anyway, it was freezing cold, proper Northern England, North Sea fucking cold and she'd not left any heating on. My nan, scared of the pipes freezing and bursting put it on that winter setting, you know, the one with the snowflake that just keeps it above brass monkey level - we're certainly not talking tropical here. Anyway, old cow phones up mid stay and has a proper Mary at this and demands her heating be turned off

"I'm not over here to be wasting money on heating over there, are you going to pay for it, are you, ARE YOU?"

My nan marches over there, turns it off and didn't notice anything awry until probably two full days after the pipes had burst (remember the water meter)as the water was leaking from the back of the house. Apparently, her back garden looked like a skating rink and her carpets went from sodden to crunchy depending on the time of day.

My nan literally, like Tena Lady literally, pissed herself laughing when she came back off her holidays and was confronted with the aftermath.
( no longer a user, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 7:15, 4 replies)

viz
Is this lady Norbet Colons sister by any chance?
(welgar, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 7:24, closed)

he he
Wouldn't surprise me at all. She's legendary in my nan's street. She's got a vendetta against one of the other residents at the moment as she's taken to parking her car outside the old cow's house when she can't get near her own. Apparently, she's blocking the light to her window so she has to put a lamp on. The kerb is at least 10 feet from her house. She even pushed the woman's daughter off her bike a couple of weeks ago as she cycled past her house to demonstrate how the car is blocking light! Like the light has stealthy old lady ninja powers and is just waiting behind a parked car to knock a 10 year old off her bike.
( no longer a user, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 7:57, closed)

hmmmmmmmm
but arent vampires afraid of the light ?
(welgar, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:22, closed)

more
afraid of having to pay for the light. My nan pointed out that the lack of light might be more due to the winter nights drawing in than a parked car, but she's not having it.
( no longer a user, Mon 27 Oct 2008, 9:59, closed)