Toilets....
Firstly, at work there is a bit of a "game" currently going on as to who can render the (single) toilet inoperable to other staff.
The basic rules are it must be in the pan - other than that anything goes...

So, cling film etc etc out of the way the latest thing is to build a small raft of toilet paper at the bottom before nestling the biggest, baddest, smelliest turd imaginable on it. Tuesday, we all got to work and the foulest smell known to man hit you - someone (unknown) had performed this trick on the friday last thing where it had festered over the bank holiday. Clear winner, not only was the toilet unusable, so was the workshop!

Anyway, toilets - was out on the piss once when as you do felt the urge to vomit. Was pretty leathered so standing wasnt an option, knelt in front of some shitty pub toilet yawning down it and feeling pretty shit, when a massive pain in my belly overtook me - dry yawning for england the smell suddenly told me i had shit myself, and a quick look at the puddle of rusty water all over my jeans and the floor told me i wouldnt just be cleaning this up and rejoining my mates. The worst thing was the walk through the pub to the door....
Oh, and hosing myself down outside the back door...

At Donnington, couple of years ago for the moto gp (camping for the weekend). Toilets absolutely filthy by friday night, so my mate decides to have a shit round the back (pissed of course) All seems to have gone well as he trudges up to rejoin us until we realize (smell first) that he is covered down one side, and all over his shoes in shit. He fell over whilst bent down and failed to notice that possibly several hundred other people had already had the shit round the back idea...


Talking of toilets, is there a formula for pressure versus proximity? I only ask as if you need a shit whilst out, you can bear it till you get home, as soon as the door is unlocked the pressure intensifies, you run up the stairs with greater and greater pressure and by the time you are over the toilet you only just (sometimes) get your trousers down before you explode a shit bomb all over the bowl.

BTW - great question!
(Aleister Crowleys Badger Nothing to see here, Fri 2 Sep 2005, 12:17, Reply)