Poor kitty
Today I have awoken with a sense of mild shame, and feel it is my duty to confess.

Last night I went to a barbeque at my friend's parents' new house. After several tins of wifebeater had been tucked away I politely enquired of my friend's mother the whereabouts of the lavatory.

She directed me into the house but warned me that they had two new kittens who were being kept shut in the hall by the toilet this evening, for fear of wandering into the garden and being trodden on by drunken oafs such as myself, and so to be sure not to let them out.

I wandered through the new house feeling rather impressed with it to be honest, a vast improvement on their old place. Then I reached the french doors leading to the aforementioned hall by the toilet, opened them, and nearly fell over.

The most appalling, overwhelming, sickening stench of cat shit I have ever smelt. These two dirty bastard cats had filled their litter tray with shite, evidently it hadn't been emptied to their satisfaction as they had proceeded to extrude soggy turds all around it on the carpet. However the culprits were nowhere to be seen.

I walked into the toilet, and found them. One was on the floor looking up at me quizically, the other was sat on the edge of the toilet seat giving me evils and twitching its tail. And they smelt every bit as bad as the contents of their little anuses.

I couldn't be arsed to get them out so I proceeded to have a piss anyway, which fascinated the one perched on the edge of the pan. It stared transfixed at the stream of piss, adopting that position cats get into when they're about to charge and leap onto a toy/mouse/your hand/etc.

Suddenly I experienced a moment of loathing for this small, smelly, toilet-fascinated creature, and the discomfort it had was causing me.

So I raised my aim and pissed directly into its face.
(Ali Bongo 9000 Ali Bongo 9000, Sun 4 Sep 2005, 11:54, Reply)