Typewriter pants
On holiday in Granada, on a bit of a day long bender, and got caught short with what I knew was going to be a messy one. Ran, full pelt into the nearest bar, headed straight to the little room at the back. Place was a mess, but passable. Had one of those nasty shits where your legs fly out in front of you from the exertion. Still, the relief bought a satisfied smile to my face, until I looked for something to wipe my arse with. Nothing hanging from the holder, so I reached up, thinking 'I'll use the old un-peel the cardboard roll' trick, to find, in my hands, and pair of freshly shit-covered nylon y-fronts. The thing that sticks in my mind to this day was that they were of a design featuring multicoloured typewriters. I thought they were quite nice, but the previous occupent obviously though nothing of wiping his shitty arse with them and stuffing them back in the holder for the next hapless shittee (me) to discover.

Oh yeah.. and in New Orleans on New Years Eve we flooded the toilet (this was a few years ago, we were not responsible for recent events) so that nuggets of poo were overflowing to the hotel bathroom floor. We convinced the janitor who came to fix it that no amount of money was worth having to work on a NYE night cleaning up pissed up Brits poo. He promptly quit and came out on the lash with us. Nice work fella!
(kidcamel is due to call your mum at, Mon 5 Sep 2005, 16:25, Reply)