i once ate too much hash
i was trying get rid of an enormous stast rather than bring it through the channel tunnel. all was going well. i passed paris and was so munted i could hardly see. as i was sitting on the back of the school coach i was feeling the burn of a very queasy set of small bowel movements. i thought i would be ok. i was stoned as a cnut but i could like with it. we finally got into the train to take us back to blighty. things got worse and worse. i got stomach cramps, the sweats the whole nine yards. i thought "fuck im going to have to walk to the toilets , past all my teachers including the deputy head". i got up. i stumbled along the coach. i made it into the carriage of the train. i hobbled clutching my guts and my arse to the next carriage. i saw the toilets ahead. i must gave been about ten feet away when i finally lost my battle with my own intestines. it ran down my legs, covered my boxers, my jeans everything. i got into the cubicle and sat down to finish off. it was a lot of finishing off. i had to wipe all the shit off my legs and inside of my trousers. as a final flourish i took off my now ruined boxers and tried to flush the lot. it was never oging to happen. not in a month of sundays, but i was stoned so again thought "nah, it'll be alright". after two flushes i changed my mind. i pulled the shit and water soaked under crackers and hid them behind the sink. i cleaned myself up a bit more and then walked out to face the queue of my fellow schoolmates. the first in was a girl called kat. the sweetest, nicest, never say boo to a goose girl you could meet. my worse fears were realised. i was a stoned mess. the toilet looked like a shit bomb had hit it and it stank worse than the fiery pits of a post rugby team night out to the curryhouse. it was evil. she calmly walked in and didnt say a word. i got back on the bus and went back too sleep, hoping that it would all be a dream.

i met her two years later at a party. she was drunk. she told me she had never smelt anything so foul and said that she gagged her way through an extremely hurried piss. i was mortified. bright red and stammerng some bollocks about being a bit unwell. i quite fancied her. i dont tihnk the future was every bright for us. fucksocks
( bertisfantastic bert is a sleepy bear, Tue 6 Sep 2005, 22:27, Reply)