Dundee Drunks
We used to get kicked out the fire exit at my old work to go for a cigarette, on to a piss-soaked, syringe covered, cobbled alleyway where lots of old drunk and homeless men would sit all day sharing cans of Tennents Super T and telling anyone who would listen anecdotes of fights they had been in.

One story that stood out was from a man called Rufus who was very drunk one Wednesday morning. He told me he had gone up to Lidl at 8am and picked up 2 bottles of vodka and stuffed them in his jacket and tried to walk out, only to be confronted by the manager and escorted to an office round the back. Lidl only ever seem to have about 2 staff working at anytime so the manager had to go back on to the shop floor while they waited for the police to turn up, leaving Rufus alone in the office....with the 2 bottles of 'evidence'.
The police turn up, are shown to the office by the manager to find an inebriated Rufus giggling in his chair, the police say they can't arrest him for trying to steal empty bottles (they obviously couldn't be arsed with the paper work) and as a final kicker...offer Rufus a lift back to his shelter because he's to drunk to walk.

What a clever tramp.
(rmmkkenny, Tue 7 Jul 2009, 10:34, 4 replies)

ha ha
nice one Rufus - but in the name of sweetly fucking monkeys, any parent that calls their child 'Rufus' have already condemned him to a hobos life, what else could you do in life with a name like 'Rufus' ?
(The Cats Twat, Tue 7 Jul 2009, 12:38, closed)

What else?
You could travel through time in order to inspire future world leaders to achieve greatness!
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Tue 7 Jul 2009, 12:43, closed)

Excellent!
*air guitar*
(kebabking - salad and garlic mayo pls, Tue 7 Jul 2009, 13:01, closed)

yes
That man will go far....
...or not
( Sextant goes to him is emotionally erect, on this day, Tue 7 Jul 2009, 13:54, closed)