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This is a question My most treasured possession

What's your most treasured possession? What would you rescue from a fire (be it for sentimental or purely financial reasons)?

My Great-Uncle left me his visitors book which along with boring people like the Queen and Harold Wilson has Spike Milligan's signature in it. It's all loopy.

Either that or my Grandfather's swords.

(, Thu 8 May 2008, 12:38)
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The Drinking Jacket
1 M&S suit jacket, second-hand from charity shop: £7
20 second-hand beer towels, bought on Ebay for an average of 80p (inc p&p) each: £16
1 very patient Mrs Ousgg, who's good at sewing things in funny shapes and doesn't mind stabbing herself in the thumb with a heavy-duty needle a few dozen times: Shagwanking Priceless!

The end result is by far the only 'cool' item of clothing I own. Given that the rest of my wardrobe consists of suit-and-boot work clothes, beer-promotion T-shirts, jeans from Matalan and generic Burton's underwear, this is hardly a surprise.

I would post a photo, but frankly I can't be bothered to drag out the camera and upload it, so you'll have to imagine what I look like.

This modern-day harlequin's coat is warm in winter and features a range of beer-towels, chosen for colour rather than brand (as is evidenced by a purple Abbot Ale on the right breast, and a rather embarrassing green Carlsberg Special Brew on the left shoulder). There is no visible black jacket left - the only uncovered area is underneath my armpits, for reasons that involve me not having to walk around like a cyberman.

The reason it is my most treasured possession is the instant credibility it seems to bring me in any sort of drinking establishment....

"Nice jacket mate!"

"Bet you don't worry about spillage!" (I don't - it's fully machine washable)

"Er...this is a bit embarrassing - would you mind if I took your photo?"

....Put on the jacket and I'm a smegging celebrity all of a sudden!

On the strength of one £23 home-made bit of kit, I have achieved the following over the past two years:

- At least twenty pints bought for me by complete random strangers. Probably more when you consider I occasionally suffer from ethanolic amnesia.

- Instant (and often free when applicable) access to any drinking establishment in my home town. I got sniffy looks at a club in Cheltenham; I'm not going back there.

- Preferential service at several locals who are packed three-deep on Friday and Saturday nights. It's also quite easy to order ales over their deafening metal music, by pointing to the relevant part of my jacket.

- A pat on the shoulder from the bobbies for breaking up a fight in the town centre, by the simple expedient of walking in between the two protagonists, who both drunkenly "Woah"ed and did a reasonable 'rats of Hameln' impression.

- An impromptu invitation to join three different stag nights.

- Three genuine offers of a blow-job, which I felt sadly obligated (due to the aforementioned Mrs Ousgg, who was only my fiancee at the time) to turn down. Although, having now been married for a few months, I'm more open to persuasion.

I think making a pair of matching trousers would be a good continuation of the project, although I'm worried that might make me look like Ian Poulter, the golfing prat, rather than the cool chap in the slightly wacky jacket.

Seriously, guys, if you've got a good sewing hand and a few quid in your PayPal account, you could do far worse than make one of these little babies. But don't come around my patch please, otherwise we'll both look like idiots.
(, Thu 8 May 2008, 19:16, 6 replies)
...or it didnt happen. You know the rules :)
(, Thu 8 May 2008, 21:15, closed)
Too lazy
But seriously, why on Earth would I want to make make this up?

The only bit I can imagine anyone wanting to make up are the lewd fellatio offers, and I certainly don't have any photos of those.
(, Thu 8 May 2008, 21:35, closed)
you mean you don't..
take photos of girls making you lewd oral sex offers?? pish! And you call yourself a man.. ;)
(, Fri 9 May 2008, 9:34, closed)
did the idea come from? Why did you build it? Why???!!?
(, Fri 9 May 2008, 13:07, closed)
I'm sure I've seen you
years ago in manchester I remember a fella wearing something like this.
(, Fri 9 May 2008, 22:00, closed)
The Idea
Remember when FHM was a proper magazine?

They had a column of pub crawls, and I seem to remember that the leading protagonist had a full beer-suit.

I wore it down the White Lion last night and at least three people who were just passing by took a photo (lord bless the mobile phone). Perhaps I ought to have asked them to email me one for posterity.
(, Sat 10 May 2008, 13:08, closed)

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