growing up, we had a local gang of friends who were generally inseparable.
Despite the fact we had different schools, we were all in the same area and would spend long summer days playing cards and football down the park and going 'exploring' (there were no lurking paedos back in the 70s, apart from the catholic church apparently) and having sleepovers in tents in back gardens et cetera.

J and P were brothers, P and M were firm friends, JB was already on his way to becoming a Professional Sick Person. We did education, we worked, we got jobs, all of us, turned up to work every day but not so JB.

JB's attitude was "I don't want to do that, so I will feign an asthma attack. I don't want to do this, I will invent a mental condition that
means I can cry off. I will lie and weasel and fake attention-seeking issues so everyone pays attention to me. "I have a debilitating undiagnosed crippling bone disease" was the last one I remember. *deep breath* I only have 3 months to live *looks off into the middle distance in expectation of sympathy*

When the DSS got fed up and insisted he got a job, they roped him into a job opportunity at a foundry which would take unqualified labour and he lasted approximately 1.5 days before 'oops I dropped an ingot on my foot, I am now crippled, you must pay all my wages and expenses and hurt feelings and mental anguish costs'.

As friends do, when you meet up at anniversary events of things like mate's weddings, you do tend to say 'Wow, been a while, what are you doing now?' and you oddly feel like a wanker for saying to this intentionally lazy fucker 'Me? Well, moved house, work with electronics in vehicles, sorry, did I mention I have a girlfriend?' in front of someone who can only say 'WOW you will NEVER believe this, I got a new xbox game' as the highlight of their year. I don't like to brag about my achievement but suddenly their lack of achievement makes me out to be an arrogant wanker by comparison.

He also, had the temerity to declare ' I know how to play fruit machines for profit. I can make a living off them'. Closely followed by 'maybe we should all go out on the town?' closely followed by 'oh my wallet has been stolen' when it was his turn to pony up for a round. Back in the day I asked him to watch the till when he was sitting in with me at my job at a petrol station as I had to go and take a leak, only to get called up the next day by the head cashier saying '£70 has gone missing from the day total'. Yep. Went into his pocket.

Finally came to a head when the selfish prick walked out of our common friend's wedding which happened in Bristol. Apparently the timing of the service disagreed with his eating habits, so he left the venue to eat his previously bought bean burrito . When asked why he left he said he suffered from a mental illness that made him very uncomfortable being in the same room as a lot of other people facing the same direction.

Then proceeded to tell me about the film he saw last week. In a cinema. Where presumably all the seats were angled randomly so no one ever had to face in the same direction as anyone else ever.

I'm going to be 42 next birthday, and I have had a semi-difficult life doing work to earn money in difficult locations I hope this picky lazy apologist goes to his grave knowing he has wasted his life on Jeremy Kyle and Xbox and pot noodle and knows that he never amounted to anything. But he will probably say 'life dealt me a bad hand and it wasn't my fault' and for that I will forever despise him.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Sat 21 Sep 2013, 2:41, 3 replies)

You'd think people would grow out of that sort of behaviour, oh, I dunno, about 30 years earlier?

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 21 Sep 2013, 13:46, closed)

Nope!
I know one guy who won't make ANY kind of decision by himself - 'should I buy this one or that one' - whichever you say, if it fucks up it's YOUR FAULT! Won't call the bank, electric supplier, gas supplier, letting agent, coucil etc etc. Wants everyone else to take responsibility for his life - he's in his forties.
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Sat 21 Sep 2013, 17:58, closed)

You envy him, don't you?
Sitting at home, eating burritos and playing X-Box, while you go out to work. Life is so unfair.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 22 Sep 2013, 7:31, closed)