My Fuckwittery, Part 745 of an Ongoing Series
I'm not really 'into' cars. Hence when I bought my most recent motor a few years ago, it was my first experience of central locking. The salesman was very helpful, guiding me through all the features, including this whizzy new remote-control technology.

He showed me the car-key, which also sported these two magic buttons. He then explained;

Him: "So you push this one to unlock... *press* *whirr* *flash* *click*"
Me: "Wow!"
Him: "And this one to unlock... *press* *whirr* *flash flash* *click*"
Me: "Wow!"
Him: "Now, when the battery gets low, you'll find that you need to hold the button down a bit longer. That's how you know it's time to change the battery"
Me: "Gotcha. Agh! Hang on though! What if I don't get around to changing it, and it goes totally flat?! What if it goes flat when I'm away from home and nowhere near the spare key or a battery shop?!?!"
*salesman looks at me*
*salesman looks down at car-key*
*salesman looks back at me*
*salesman looks back down at car-key*

*awkward silence*

Him: "...Then you'd put the key in the lock and turn it."

Me: "Oh.. Yeah..."
(costas, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 19:37, 9 replies)

flash git
my car despite being built in 2001 lacks not only central locking but power steering and electric anything

i blame it on that scrappage scheme
( Reme Philips laid an epic dump on, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 20:38, closed)

my shitty old astra has those
It cost me 500 quid 7 years ago, you were done.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 21:11, closed)

My
Equally shitty 12 year old £500 Mondeo even has electric seats so I concur!
(bottle_cap, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 21:27, closed)

because of the scrappage scheme in 2009 there was a shortage of cars around ten years old and worth around £1500, in other words what i could afford

so i didnt really have much choice, 7 years ago people were part exchanging cars rather than sending them to the knackers yard for shiny new ones if i was buying a car in 2005 i probably could have got more for my money
( Reme Philips laid an epic dump on, Thu 12 Apr 2012, 21:49, closed)

My old 1989 Vauxhall Cavalier
had heated electric mirrors, central locking and electric windows all round. What it didn't have was power steering and was as heavy as a tank! Cost me £700 and I never serviced it (though I did MoT it). It lasted me about eight years and probably would've lasted longer if I'd at least changed the oil.

I look after my Golf now and it's done 112,000 miles and still going strong at almost 60mpg.
( M3rx likes the Asian ladies, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 10:23, closed)

Mine
is shaped like an egg. You just get in the top.
(egg1, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 14:00, closed)

Reminds me of this
sent to me by a blonde friend:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=R0nRvqfiqZI
( kila is reading clocks upside-down as usual, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 8:39, closed)

Hahahahahha
I like this.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 13:07, closed)

I think the design could have been improved hugely by using one of the buttons to lock the car.

( 4Q just lurking, Fri 13 Apr 2012, 16:49, closed)