My inheritance
I learned of my actual parentage when I was 18, which was a bit of a shock (as it turns out I am technically a bastard's bastard - my father was illegitimate, and begat me similarly). But both my father and grandfather died intestate, and within a year of each other, and I got the lot. I thought I was just another abandoned babby, so this all came as quite a surprise. The thing is though, the executors only allowed me a stipend between 18 and 21, and didn't actually tell me how much I stood to gain in total - owing to my 'reputation' (went through a few foster homes/'caring' institutions etc.), they figured I'd squander the lot. Unsurprisingly, this condescension did not please me greatly and I resolved to do precisely that as soon as I turned 21 and got my hands on it.

Three years and several wavy lines later (ha!), not a scintilla weaker in my resolve, I began the task of drinking my birthright. It did take me about seven years, several thousand airmiles, a few outstanding warrants and broken bones but I am delighted, on several levels to reveal that I eventually came to the conclusion that this was both an impossible and inappropriate task. I am minor bastard nobility and nouveau bloody riche after all. Huzzah!
(Clerk T Hazarde are all the wine, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 16:52, 9 replies)

Moneylols!
I do hope this is true, and that you continue your quest.
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 17:00, closed)

Quite
I will start again soon. I simply need to find a place that no-one has yet discovered and then discover it.
(Clerk T Hazarde are all the wine, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 18:12, closed)

just think of all the croissants you can buy!
;)
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 17:02, closed)

Yes
I am now quite fat. Like a normal human man, but with a cushion belly
(Clerk T Hazarde are all the wine, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 18:11, closed)

the fact that you felt the need
to say "human man" makes me deeply suspicious
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 18:22, closed)

Suspicious of what? Underwhelmingly quite rightly
(Clerk T Hazarde are all the wine, Sun 27 Jun 2010, 11:38, closed)

pfff

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 28 Jun 2010, 15:35, closed)

I new a guy
who inherited a bit of a lump sum when he was young.

He very sensibly spent it on kitting out his own recording studio, so he could live out his record producer fantasy and he bought and sold a lot of sporting vehicles.

Thing is, it was just enough money to make working hard seem like too much effort, but not enough to live off for the rest of his life. All the money really did was rob him of any ambition or drive to get on in life during his younger years. At 35 he stumbled out into a cold uncaring world, skint and with no real work or life skills to speak of.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Fri 25 Jun 2010, 17:33, closed)

That's terrible
Is he still cold? I could give him a loan of one of my fabulous sweaters
(Clerk T Hazarde are all the wine, Fri 25 Jun 2010, 18:13, closed)