Thirtieth Birthday
Some relatives, loads of friends and after relatives left can't remember fuck all.

Next morning severe headache and right buttock rather bruised and painful. I wondered what the time was and looked at my watch to find it with a cracked glass and loose hands jangling around.

I enquired of the time from my then wife and got a terse answer.

I got up to limp to the toilet (bruised buttock impeding movement) and then went to the kitchen where my younger brother greeted me with a welcoming cup of tea and a ciggie. A quick slurp of tea and a drag on the fag and KABOOM the fag exploded! Yep little bruv had doctored my cigarette with a little exploding insert! Anyway the exploding ciggie made me sick!

After retiring back to the bathroom I emerged having purged myself at both ends and having sworn a pledge to the Almighty (who I didn't really believe in) to refrain from alcohol for ever. from this point forth

A little while later bacon butties were distributed and I felt a bit better. It emerged in conversation that the previous night I had dashed to bathroom to be sick, tripped on the bath mat and fallen headlong into the bath bruising buttock, breaking watch and (allegedly) puking all over the bathroom and myself (did I not mention I was naked when I awoke?)

Well, I did feel a bit better after the bacon buttie and so when the cry "Let's get down to the local for a pint or two and a Sunday lunch" I was up for it!!
( Vambo, Sun 17 Feb 2013, 23:24, 2 replies)

Get back on the bike!

(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 18 Feb 2013, 0:06, closed)

"fallen headlong into the bath bruising buttock"
Makes it sound as though your arse is on your head.
Is your arse on your head?
( 4Q just lurking, Mon 18 Feb 2013, 0:48, closed)