Projectile what??
Out with my young brother one Saturday night for a bite to eat, unfortunately we decided on the local China Buffet King. Lots of crap, pretentious, wannabe Chinese junk food was consumed, all for the kingly sum of £10.
Young brother duly went home on the next day, whereupon I went out with the lads for a good Sunday afternoon sesh, which led into a nighter, then early morning-er.
Woke up on the Monday morning about 0600hrs, not too good. First order of the day was to get a large glass of cool water to un-paste my tongue from the roof of my mouth. It was one of those heavy set, retro style glasses, with the 6 sharp corners (think Ikea). This is an important point, because as soon as I walked back into the living-room, I was down and out for the count. That was when my forehead made contact with one of those six sharp edges. Don't know how long I was out, but came to I was pumping quite a bit of claret onto the carpet. Then the overflow alarms started sounding at both mouth and arse. Stumbled to the bathroom where I then started ejecting all bodily fluids from all available sources. Holding a towel to my head to staunch the bleeding, while alternately sticking my head then my arse down the toilet. Passed out again, then woke to the constant ringing of the phone. Mum asking if I was okay..........!!!!!! Seemingly my young brother was in the same state, minus the loss of the precious red stuff. Turns out that if you eat the boiled rice they have at these buffet places, the rice that is kept at a regular luke-warm temperature, which is never replaced only topped up, then there is a 100% chance you will end up with a tiny house guest called Salmonella.
Was so ill (food poisoning & hangover do not make good bed buddies), could not make it to hospital for the next 2 days. By then the cut in my forehead, which was deep enough to require stitches, had started to heal. Now have a cool Harry Potteresque jagged scar to add to the others (4 in total on my fizzog, all quite noticeable, none of them chib marks!!).
Keep clear of those harbingers of buffet-style doom, this had nothing to do with the vast quantities of drink consumed - honest.
(cargoeng, Wed 20 Feb 2013, 0:32, 3 replies)

there's no way on earth I'm reading all that shit

(King Zog of Albania lives in Kensington, Wed 20 Feb 2013, 5:50, closed)

He drank a lot and had buffet chinese food.
He thinks the rice at the buffet is probably to blame for the vomiting and the shits.

After he had eaten the food he injured his head. Because he was vomiting and shitting liquids, he didn't go to hospital, so now he has a scar.
(sabre-tooth monkey, Wed 20 Feb 2013, 16:20, closed)

not salmonella
more likely Bacillus cereus poisoning, but much the same result either way.
(cmouse is pondering about life in other jobs, Thu 21 Feb 2013, 10:15, closed)