Breaking the banjo.
I got the big come on from a nurse in my local one night. I was a late starter - about 21 - and she was as rough as a badgers arse. And ginger. It must have been the uniform......

God knows why, but I agreed to go out for a drink the next night. All went well, until it came to drop off time outside her parents house. She started massaging my neck, and after some fumbling it became clear that:
1) She wasn't wearing a bra under the baggy jumper, and
2) She did indeed have fantastically enormous lils.

After some frottage of the close encounter style, I suggested we go somewhere a bit more private than her parents driveway, and ended up in an apple orchard shagging in my Ford Orion. Needless to say it wasn't the most romantic or comfortable of settings, and before long biscuits were blown.

The next night she took me out for a drink, and when she dropped me off at my parents, she came in for a nightcap.

Parents upstairs, me kneeling in front of the sofa and banging her arse off. When all was said and done and pull out time came, I realised there was a lot of blood, and that my foreskin was the wrong side of my helmet! Talk about shocked! Once things had settled down (read soft) I managed to pop everything back into place, but the banjo had been split - so no more banjo playing for a couple of weeks.

What I didn't realise was that in my panicked state, I'd bled all over the rug. I had to throw it out and lie that I'd had a nosebleed.

It lasted 5 months in all. The end came when her mum made her stay in and knit rabbits for an Easter Fayre rather than come out with me, and she put up with it! She ended up marrying a mate of mine - but that didn't last long either.

No apologies for girth. You love it really. Just be gentle when playing the banjo.
(Hog UK, Thu 3 Mar 2005, 17:24, Reply)