In a bathroom at halloween
My girlfriend lost her virginity to me (or so she claims) at my mate's bathroom one Halloween night. Just to make things that extra bit romantic, she ended up putting her hand into my mate's piss on the toilet seat just before we got down to the dirt business. mmmm!
(wonderbrawl was pronounced dead on, Mon 7 Mar 2005, 14:28, Reply)

16
Outside Wembley Stadium.
Bon Jovi concert.

have spent the rest of my life wishing my story was cool.

At least emerged with member intact.
xx
(kunti lala if we can't be free can we at least be cheap., Mon 7 Mar 2005, 13:56, Reply)

19
t'was a bit carp. then gf (bit wingey) moaned about pain the whole time (kinda puts you off) and wasnt all that attractive to start with.. decided i would be better off with a box of kleenex. turned out to be true :)

practice makes perfect.. so i'd better get practicing.. any takers?? :D
(5lab, Mon 7 Mar 2005, 13:50, Reply)

It was a good earner..
A middle aged man did one up my botty when I was 14.
And gave me £20 !!!

So there you go.. easy money for only a small amount of physical and psychological pain!
(and £20 in 1982 was very useful)
(davric, Mon 7 Mar 2005, 13:36, Reply)

ouch.
14.

on a tube during rush hour with second ever girlf going back to her place. one of those loud, enthusiastic, mum will never approve types....

anyway... packed tube. naturally we are very much in each other's personal space (along with everyone else on the tube) having a bit of a teenage snog. she suddenly pipes up, possibly a bit too loudly for a 14yr old who ideally should be at school:

"Are you a virgin?"...

cue red-faced emabrassment, I meekly answered yes...

"Don't worry I'll break you in".

cue more red-faced embarassment, and looks of pure envy from most of the male commuters.... was too embarassed to look at the female ones.

anyway. never lost my cherry that day. did I mention she was a bit enthusiastic... well never let a very enthusiastic inexperienced 14 year old wank you off.

blood everywhere.

then the mum walks in.

anyway.... time goes on. certain appendages heal up... I do finally get my cherry popped.

so summer holidays. at her family farm place in the sticks... she's giving me first ever blow job.

in walks her gran.

30mins later I'm on a train home.
( ExactlyHowLongDoIHaveToBeHere, Mon 7 Mar 2005, 13:02, Reply)

My first time was surreal
as we were on a stone bench (it was reminiscent of the slab where Frankenstein's Monster came to life), right next to a war memorial, and right in front of a pond full of perverted ducks who just watched and quacked occasionally. Also, it was 2 o'clock in the morning in April and freezing cold. And I was completely tanked on vodka.

He gave up in a mood because I kept laughing at the ducks, then laughed even harder when we nearly fell arse over tit into the pond. I never saw him again - but on the plus side, I inherited the quite lovely dress I'd borrowed off my sister for the night. She still can't look at it, nearly four years later.
(sporks, Mon 7 Mar 2005, 12:55, Reply)

Not mine, not lost
My own v-plates story is actually pretty mundane (apart from the the quite remarkable feat of coming and then carrying on going which I really should learn how to replicate), however, my former university mate's failed "attempt" bears repeating.

So my friend, let's call him Michael John Wilson of Stoke-On-Trent (to protect his identity that's not his real middle name, which is James), had previously had a few near misses (mostly he missed) but had not, as of his first year at university, known a lady.

However, one night he was out carousing in the university bar with some friends from his course who happened to get chatting with a couple of student nurses. Now Mike's friend was getting on famously with one of the two, no great surprise there (rumour had it he'd been around the Halls of Residence like a particularly virulent strain of Meningitis). The fact that it was Mike who was making the most headway with the other one was a surprise, however, not least to Mike, especially given that she was blonde (Mike's favourite kind), a student nurse and had, in his words, "tasty knockers."

The surprise was intensified when, as the night was slowing down, the two nurses invited Mike and his friend back to their room, no doubt with nudges and winks added in to the bargain. The rest would seem inevitable. Sadly it was not.

Having managed to arrive at the Halls the two "couples" started to head up. Mike's friend and his new companion head off in a different direction, leaving Mike all alone with the girl of at least some of his dreams. Before he can lay on his silky moves, however, his companion informs him she wants to go check on the others and could he wait for a second.

Now, kind B3Tards, what would you do in this situation? Brusquely announce "not a chance, love", whisk her off her feet and march her up to her room to get at least one of your wings? Tell her it really isn't safe for such a fine, voluptuous young woman to be walking around on her own and insist on accompanying her, arm in arm, to her destination? Or, Mike's preferred choice, wait a decent amount of time (about 3 minutes) and then run as though your very life depended on it. In his own words he "didn't stop until I got to the bus stop."

He chose to share this beautiful tale of lost love with us next day in the middle of the Halls canteen. At the time we weren't sure which we found more shocking, the immense idiocy of his actions the night before or the even greater idiocy of telling a group of young men of said idiocy in the middle of a public place.

I think the piss taking kind of died out a couple of years later, though we did occasionally advise him, if he was out on the town: "be safe, wear Nike."
(Captcheese, Mon 7 Mar 2005, 12:42, Reply)

Fond memories of the Isle of Wight...
and being rodgered senseless on the beach by some crazy girl that i'd only met half an hour previously. Having been drinking most of the day, I wasn't really up to much, and after about half an hour of frenzied shagging on her part and much banging of my head on the sea wall (at one point we were disturbed by two coppers, who shone their torch on us and carried on their way past), we both decided that going back to the pub and carrying on drinking was a better idea.

Unfortunately I decided I needed to get rid of quite a large amount of Guinness first, but managed to forget about the condom (yay, drunk but responsible) which reminded me of its presence after about 15 seconds of urinating.

Oh and Sex On The Beach should be a cocktail and nothing else. Sand is very intrusive.
(squirrelysquirrel, Mon 7 Mar 2005, 12:08, Reply)

One night stand - well, not even an hour, actually.
It all happened one Good Friday slash birthday party for one of my parents friends, a decade or so ago now.

Can't realy remember her name but it might have been pauline or polly or something like that. She was a tubby (ok: fat) mid-twenty-something desperate for a shag country girl and I was a 18 year old desperate for a shag country guy, enormously drunk on rum and red wine (never a good combination. I remember the hangover more clearly than anything else - god, I feel sick thinking about it now - we literally drank all day and all night and I went to bed when the next morning when the sun got too bright).

Basically I caught her looking at me and got a poke in the ribs from a drinking buddy, which I took to mean "she's gagging for it", but in hindsight could quite easily have also meant "go get another cask - I'm off for a piss". I hoofed it with her out the back to the car shed (about the only place left!) and I shagged her on the concrete, as any modern gentleman would.

I do remember being very embarrased through the whole deal. It was over before my arse had gotten cold. I think she might have been a bit dissapointed in my stellar performace, because I went outside for a piss afterwards and never saw her again.
( Frumbert has no sig, Mon 7 Mar 2005, 12:03, Reply)

First time I shagged a woman...
...I was 21, and I picked up a 36 year old woman in a local nightclub.

We went back to her flat, and with the Backstreet Boys on the stereo proceded to get down to business.

After about half an hour of me working downstairs with my fingers and tongue, she realised I had my whole fist inside her. Obvisously being starved of a girlfriend, and living on a highly-concentrated diet of porn obtained from college & uni mates for about five years preceding this, had meant I was not really clued-up on what was generally acceptable for 'first date/shag' rules.

The sex itself? I was so nervous I couldn't cum, and spent about an 2 hours shagging until we were both bored. We did go out a couple of times after that though.
(mr_shhh, Mon 7 Mar 2005, 11:05, Reply)

Freddy Krueger
I lost my virginity at the age of 19.

To a guy who called his penis "Freddy Kreuger".

In the dark.

It was boring rather than hideous and I ended up with a bruised twat.

On the good side, I wrote a funny story about it and sent it to a women's rudie mag. They published it and I got a cheque for fifty bucks. Happy hour here I come!
(Emily Bruce-Dickinson http://jovialfellow.blogspot.com/, Mon 7 Mar 2005, 11:04, Reply)

It wasn't so much doing it that
made it such a painful experience, although fuck knows it lasted all of 20 seconds. No, it was faling out of the tree house afterwards and landing on a rosebush. Naked.
( pxyzyzygy, Mon 7 Mar 2005, 9:12, Reply)

not mine, done already
All right it's slightly off as it’s not me but my mate did it in style.

One horny male? Check
One horny female? Check
Enough vodka to anesthetize a Water Buffalo? Check
One bedroom? Check
Best friend asking for your ‘lucky condom’? Check
Wish him well and consider whether he knows that bird has a boyfriend who’s also at the party? Check

The full tale of woe was only fully revealed to the poor lad next morning though.
One best friend appears looking sheepish, bruised, confused and very worried holding a very blood filled condom. Cue much amusement from me in telling him that he obviously has testicular cancer…. The truth was probably going to be too much for him

Best friend’s sister then appears and recounts in decibels above Concorde at 1m on afterburner what actually happened to the one man in the entire building who is having difficulty remembering what happened the night before……

Friend and said girl disappear back to his bedroom with my ‘Geronimo’, both are blind drunk and promptly get down and dirty, pissed girl has very sharp finger nails with which she manages to rip large chunks out of his member and ball sack. Obviously copious lubrication results with my friend thinking, “wow I can get her that wet!”

Now for the best bit….. Girls screams of ecstasy attract attention of her boyfriend who is at the party, he storms in to find my friend on top of his bird who is screaming and covered in blood, unfairly assumes the worst and tries to batter my mate with a lampshade. Takes about 6 people to drag him off and hold him down.
Mate’s sister now appears to see her brother and random bird naked and covered in blood and semen and also assumes the worst… So she dresses her brothers shag, whilst apologizing and saying he’s a lovely guy really and wouldn’t hurt a fly and it’s all been a horrible mistake… she then basically throws both the boyfriend and random bird into the street and tells them both to fuck off home and not to implicate her brother in any dodgy rape allegation ‘cos she’s got ‘mates’! Did I mention she’s his younger sister and is 15 at the time…….

The final nail in his ego coffin is when Caz (a very strange female friend of ours) reveals she was in the bedroom the whole time watching, but had to stop masturbating herself half way through because she was laughing so much at his incompetence she couldn’t keep a good grip on her clit…..


He still has the scars to this day.

No apologies for length, girth or quantity of ‘nature’s lubricant’
(pitviper, Mon 7 Mar 2005, 4:54, Reply)

Golf Course
My friend lost hers on a golf course.

I now call her Dave Lister :D
(Mogg Questioned her own sanity on, Mon 7 Mar 2005, 3:13, Reply)

I was...
drunk, 14 years old, and at a house party.

Apologies for length (as I told her).
(FartLumps, Mon 7 Mar 2005, 2:13, Reply)

I haven't lost mine yet :-(
I'm thinking of selling it on ebay.
(Lord of my Ring, Sun 6 Mar 2005, 23:05, Reply)

I've never been more drunk..
The girl I was secretly seeing from work, a couple of mates and I went out for the evening, we got to the pub at 9:30 and started necking vodkas to catch up. At 1am we realised the pub had a late licence (how time flies when you're having fun) and we left to get a cab. What happened next i found out from my bank statement and phone bill. I withdrew 20 quid and bought a pizza and also called a cab. Next thing I remember I'm being sick in my girl's bath before being carried up to her room to 'sleep it off' she stayed with me and we ended up shagging all night. To this day I still don't know how I managed it! Huzzah!
(cheeseygoatboy, Sun 6 Mar 2005, 23:04, Reply)

boooriiinnng.
but i enjoyed it:
2001-2002 new years eve/day to boyfriend of 8 months, stayed with him just under a year then went seperate ways. standered pain and little amount of blood. no regrets.
(Gargh, Sun 6 Mar 2005, 22:44, Reply)

Virginity?
I still have mine. I do wank an awful lot, though.
(King In Crimson, Sun 6 Mar 2005, 21:59, Reply)

Actually yesterday
For the good of B3ta.
(Turnipton, Sun 6 Mar 2005, 20:30, Reply)

i lost mine last nite
and by that i mean i didnt i just walked home from the pub with my cock hanging out
(fwack bang on it, Sun 6 Mar 2005, 20:04, Reply)

FAO: Taco Tickler
He later admitted to me his deepest fantasy was to be dominated by a man.

I do modelling work now & then (not my day job!)

Go figure.
(Mogg Questioned her own sanity on, Sun 6 Mar 2005, 19:51, Reply)

Um...
I've sold it to the devil!
( Eay dot cc, Sun 6 Mar 2005, 19:50, Reply)

Well I didn't lose mine drunk or young
Infact, its the only thing I havent lost. Doesn't stop me losing money, keys, phones and such though.
Seriously, I'm 20 and still a virgin. Waiting for Mr Right as ive never had a decent relationship as I was pressured into going with guys I didnt fancy, somedays though I just want to jump on some guy! I and so glad I've passed on the opertunities though, especially after the mess I got in snogging the face of this guy I didnt know and didnt like(one of the rare times i get drunk, reaaaaaaaaaaaaaal drunk) who now annoyingly stalks about now and again.
And theres always that guy thats offering for a rumble a few times a week. Sorry but NO!
( Blobcat Less Jaffacakes this year, Sun 6 Mar 2005, 18:59, Reply)

I was 17...
... he was 23. I later found out he'd also slept with several other (younger) girls from my school. Cradle snatcher. Ah well, no regrets.
(Laura Buttercup, Sun 6 Mar 2005, 16:21, Reply)

18...
...in a caravan. Some things need no further explanation.
( Undercovercarrot got done for gross misconduct on..., Sun 6 Mar 2005, 15:39, Reply)

i was 14
and had gotten in with a 'bad crowd' smoking and drinking whatever we could get our hands on, i was at this house party and there was this guy i used to mess about with, anyway, next morning i wake up with a splitting headache this guy next to me, naked and as i stumbled to the bathroom possibly still drunk/high my friend stopped me on the stairs and giggled something like 'youhad sex last night ahaha' i went back in the room and felt something cold and slimy on the floor. it was a condom..oh joy..how romantic *mutters* girly virginity with a girl who is still one of my best friends to this day when we had a 'sleepover' at her house when we were about 15.
(Sparkypinkguitar, Sun 6 Mar 2005, 15:17, Reply)

Pathetic (pea-roast)
...I was about 15 and had just been approached by a girl at the Youth Club who said she fancied me and that she was also "on the pill."
It took me about 5 minutes to realize she wasn't referring to a cold and flu tablet and we proceeded to the local park (always deserted at night except for teenagers doing unspeakables).
So we disrobed a little and with me on top I proceeded to lose my virginity. Problem was that I thought you just inserted and waited...so I laid there *totally* motionless and after a couple of minutes she gave some encouraging movements which quite startled me as I feared she must be an epileptic or something.
It was very disappointing, but she was very nice about it and didn't dob me in to my mates.
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Sun 6 Mar 2005, 15:09, Reply)

woo
I lost it at a party whilst drunk and shrooming at the same time. And wearing tweed socks, hurrah! Not sure how he felt about it, but who cares, I saw happy colours.
(froffee, Sun 6 Mar 2005, 14:07, Reply)