Third time lucky (older women rock(
1st near encounter: was at legal age, but had no protection. Therefore, did most things but not “the deed” as it were. Decided to lie through my teeth about doing it which really f*ck*d with my head later on, gave me deep psychological scars and I was mentally beating myself up about it while my friends lost theirs and I lived an enormous lie about getting some. Thinking such warped things such as “What if I never get any AT ALL? EVER?” and “What if I get killed tomorrow and die a v*rg*n??”

2nd near encounter: was with a friends-girlfriends-best-mate. Agonisingly close to “doing it”, but denied. She decided to go back to her ex, and dumb ass me couldn’t get over it basically, which caused and epic fall out with a certain crew. Which, to this day, I still don’t speak to

3rd proper encounter: started a friendship with the receptionist at work, who was over at the Newcastle branch of where I work. After a years worth or randomly chatting sh*t via email (as many as 50 in its heyday), numbers were swapped etc only a couple of months after seeing her at a Christmas work party. Liked what I saw, cracking tits, mid 30s, divorced, and not the evil trout faced munter I’d imagined (think about it, I was taking a hell of a liability randomly chatting crap to someone I’d never seen before)/

Anyhow, it resulted in me spending a weekend there (it was actually Valentine’s day week) over at her house. Got all my favourite food, favourite beers etc, and I seriously though that I’d never get my wicked way with her (despite sending smutty emails via work email account and explicit text messages). The first night I was there, late at night, she decides to cosy up to me on the couch while I was being all sheepish and shy, struggling to conceal a major “tent pitching” issue while watching a film with her. Frustration gets the better of us and she drags me upstairs and what we didn’t do wasn’t worth writing on a post it about. We slept little and were at it like rabbits. She has no idea she was the first woman, and never will.

Cracking way to get first shag though, out of town, enjoying the sights and scenery of the area, the pubs, and her obviously. Acting as a different person than plain old me, leaving it all behind, my cherry included. Like a f*ck*ng fairytale with a happy ending. F*ck*ng classical, man…

The best things come to those who wait, all those out there with “V” plates still intact….Have hope!
(Panteneman Isn't entirely sure why he bothered on, Mon 7 Mar 2005, 23:21, Reply)