Oh there are so many...
I could tell you about the time I got a virulent sickness and quicklypoop bug on a road trip across Portugal and Spain, which involved vomiting out of the window of a van as we hurtled to meet the ferry and having it hit me back in the face at full velocity.

I could tell you about the time my mate vomited in the world famous The Venue in New Cross without even breaking her stride.

But I won't. I will instead tell you about the most epic vomiting incident of my life.

It was 1994. A young ATGIG was sitting one of her Standard Grade exams. A lot of you may not be Scottish, so won't know how they work, but basically, there are three exams for each subject, a general one that everybody sits, and from there you have to sit either a Credit or a Foundation exam based on your brainpower.

The upshot of this is that as you can only have one subject a day, you usually have large gaps where you are waiting to sit the next exam. I opted to spend this time smoking 10 Benson and Hedges.

I admit that these were my salad days of smoking, and I hadn't quite built up the nicotine resistance that I now have. Therefore, smoking 10 fairly strong cigarettes in the space of a few hours may not have been the best idea.

I entered the exam hall on rubber legs and started to feel slightly queasy. I bashed on with the exam, thinking that the feeling was nerves, or just a bit of a small headrush from the smoking. Then the bile began to rise.

Unsure of what to do, I calculated whether I was allowed to run out and go to the toilet. The thought wasn't really formed when the heaves started. I started to get out of my seat too late.

Now, I don't know about you, but my first instinct when being sick in a place where those aren't normally sick is to try to catch it. Which I did.

With both hands.

This then posed the problem of how to get the attention of the invigilators, who were probably up to something that could possibly be another question of the week. We were told to raise our hands if we had a problem. This was something I obviously could not do. All around me were classmates who were concentrating very hard on their own papers.

Eventually though, somebody noticed and the Janitor came with his bucket of sawdust. I was let out for five minutes to clean up, and went on to get a top grade.

Did fuck all for my already minimal street cred though.
(allthatglittersisglitter, Thu 7 Jan 2010, 18:54, Reply)