goldeneye, goldenpuke
An friend of mine, let's call him 'Geezer', decided that the best way of proving how manly he was, while celebrating 30 years of being alive, would be to throw himself from the Verzasca Dam, Goldeneye style. Apparently, at 220m high, it's the world's highest bungy jump off ground.

In order to get there, we took a scenic trip along the narrow-gauge Centovalli railway, run by 'FART' (Ferrovie Autolinee Regionali Ticinesi), from Domodossola to Locarno. The scenery was stunning, all mountains and forests, picturesque villages and viaducts. Not to mention slightly terrifying, as the train seemed to teeter along precarious bridges above the ravines, winding its way around the mountainsides. I'm not so great with heights, so I looked over to Geezer, hoping for some reassurance that all was safe and that I was just being a pathetic girl about it. This, I did not get.

He'd gone a slightly putrid shade of green and was screwing up his face like a pig shitting pineapples.

I asked if he was ok. He could only shake his head in terror. Being a bit of a Danny Dyer type blokey bloke, it was unusual to see him with an expression anything other than menacing, so this was simultaneously amusing and alarming for me.

The next thing I heard was a thunderous belch, followed by a stifled cough, culminating in a shower of gorganzola-peppered vomit.

He'd been sitting opposite me, so I'd taken the brunt of this technicolour yawn full on. He looked mortified, so vulnerable and embarrassed. The only other passenger in our carriage looked really disturbed and moved off into the next carriage. I was laughing like an idiot, despite being splattered in man vom. It smelled like cheesy wotsits and looked like violent bukkake smurf death.

Luckily, we were backpacking, so I had a change of clothes and could discard the pukey ones. Hopefully a petite Swiss tramp found them and was able to benefit from them, whether it be a meal or an outfit.

Geezer still went ahead and did the masculinity-proving bungy jump, but I will forever associate him with puking on a train and stinking of cheesy wotsits.
( gypsy turnips, Thu 7 Jan 2010, 19:47, Reply)