Prawns
This make take some time so get comfy and if you have a weak stomach you may want to skip the last few sentences........

When I was between wives I developed a bit of a habit of getting pissed more regularly than at any time in my life, before or since.

During this time I also developed a strategy to beat the hangovers (that still serves me to this day) in that I would always eat well and take some pain killers before I passed out and again immediately on waking up.

On the night in question I was well hammed and staggered home with a curried king prawn which I duly scoffed before what was more or less the obligatory passing out bit.

Part two of my routine at that time as I have said normally involved dropping something like a couple of Annadin Extra or similar but on this occasion I didn't have any and was left with soluble Solpahdol.

Now if you have ever tried these you will know that they are about and inch or so in diameter and need to dissolved in water prior to consumption.

Being pissed/lazy/pissed I tried to skip the add water bit and simply swallowed two of them straight down and almost instantly developed the worst case of frothing at the mouth type rabies you can imagine.

Not only that but the fuckers were jammed in my throat and I couldn't simply gob them back up again.

At first I tried retching them back up before moving onto hitting myself on the back (not easy at the best of times but harder still when your hammered), and finally as I started really struggling for breath I tried throwing myself backwards of a wall several times, all with no success.

The light were staring to dim to the extent I was seeing flashes in front of me when the curried prawns rode to the rescue in the form of the most welcome barf I have ever had in my life clearing my airway and allowing much needed O2 back into my lungs.

As I had thrown up into the sink (stuff knows how/why I made it to the sink but I had).... I turned on the tap to sluice the mess away whilst I went and washed my face down in the bathroom.

When I got back the plug hole in the sink had clearly become blocked by prawns/onions/rice etc as the water was lapping happily around the overflow.

So rather than dip my hand in to clear the mess I got a fork from the drainer and started to stir the waters around in an effort to have it all go down the plug hole.

As the water finally drained I was left with a fork which had clearly speared a pretty well intact prawn.

For those of a sensitive nature look away now.........

So what did I do with the prawn you may ask, well I did what any pissed male who has just survived a near death experience would do.

I ate it.

At least I knew pretty well knew where it had been and at that point it had been washed clean........ again..........
(Dark Matter All The Wonders In The World & We Invent Boredom, Fri 8 Jan 2010, 12:08, 1 reply)

Ive done this..
but with pizza at a house party. Pizza base doesn't have any flavour the second time round.
(NegCheg fap fap fap, Fri 8 Jan 2010, 16:26, closed)