Vomit + Ex Convict = Potential violence
Was at a new years eve party , the dancefloor was booming, the lights were trippy, the crowd were beautiful and i was higher than as kite...

Dancing around , not a care in the world... soaking up the bass lines and becoming one with myself to the ecstatic melodies and gyrating pulses of magic. I was invincible, nothing could ever drag me away from this purity of the orgasmic frequencies... oh bliss! I watched my friends all absorbing the good vibes... everyone was happy.

Then from nowhere i feel a bit 'odd', hmm maybe i should go and get some fresh air... But suddenly the exit looked very far away, like a distant portal hidden in the clouds of smoke, dry-ice and suddenly epilepsy inducing flashes of lasers and lights .Two hundred dancing people stood between me and the doorway to the cool outside, there was no obvious route through them and by now i was feeling those hot and cold flushes that signify the growing turmoil of a stomach not completely happy with whatever it was i'd been guzzling and shoving down my throat.


Hurriedly i dashed through the crowd, with the universal signal of clamping my hand over my mouth in a headlong dash for freedom. Most people understood my plight, but one or two (probably lost in the music) were swept aside by my boney elbows as i bumped and staggered ever closer to the exit.

Oh god.. I felt the first waves of impending nausea, but i kept my thoughts soley on the door, just a little further...

And then it happened. A rather pretty lady, no doubt loved up on party crackers had seen my headlong dash through the crowd and i can only assume she had thought of me in some sort of distress, she stood in front of me and grabbed me and mouthed the words 'are you alright?'.

But i was far from alright...

The terrible stream of vomit exploded from between my fingers initially, into a wretched spatter of recently absorbed badness, but i quickly removed my hand (for it had failed in its task)and then ' I spoke fluent Welsh' in an arc over her shoulder, I just remember a scream and then the sight of horrified panic in her eyes as she realised her folly. *

I staggered / bounced to the exit and dropped myself into the cool air and violently vomited into a discrete bush.

I was fine.. The initial problem was over, i was at peace for now... A few moments of watery eyes, clogged nasal footballer-esque snorts and a silent 'I'm alright now' to myself. Bliss...

'OI PRICK!!!!!'

I turned around to the monster who was steadily gaining ground towards me... A quick check: Skinhead, tattoo's of knives, white vest, murder in his eyes, vomit on his knee...

I gasped, he was possibly the ONLY trouble maker in a dozen miles and i'd been sick on him. My end was nigh and the new year had only just begun...

There was literally nothing i could do, i could barely breath from the vomiting, could barely see from the snot and tears in my eyes and this bastard was just about to rip my head off.

I vomited again, more out of sheer panic than anyone form of self defence, luckily i had the foresight to turn away from the bastard and vented my terror on the bush again.

This must have worked though... I DO think he wanted to kill me, but the idea of getting more sick on him must have given him a second thought.

I turned around and he was gone. I gave it ten minutes before venturing back inside to find my friends. Their concern was evident as the look on their faces at seeing my unbattered form, seemed to contradict the rumours that i had just angered the bloke who had just got out of jail after spending three years inside for violent assault.
Lucky eh?

* incidentally i do not actually know if i actually vomited on the girl, although i have not seen her at any parties since. Hmm...

Length - Chunky.
(mr-lizard Hell's teeth man!, Sun 10 Jan 2010, 11:54, Reply)