Not mine - a mate (no really)
Lee (RIP mate) was a bit of a legend - we all heard about his exploits in the pub, but this one never came out until after he'd died:

He'd been out on an almighty bender, pulled some woman and walked her home, only to be given a peck on the cheek and a 'thank you', then have the door slammed in his face.

And so off home he trundled, only to be overcome with the rumblings from his stomach as he got to the river bridge. Leaning over, he copiously vomited onto the soft green grass, then realised that at the same time, his arse had gone out in sympathy, filling his trousers with shit.

Turns out, in his drunken stuour, he decided to shed his (brand new) trainers, jeans and boxers there, and just get home.

And so to the next morning - Darren (Lee's brother) answered the door to 2 coppers asking if Lee lived there, "Yes mate - why?" he curtly replied.
"Well, we've found his trainers, jeans and shorts by the river bridge - all covered in shit and puke." said dibble.
"How do you know they're Lee's?" says Darren, not budging in the defense of his l'il bro.
"Cos he left his wallet in the jeans..." came the smug reply.
And so Lee was roused from his pit and sent to clear up his mess - oddly enough, he just threw everything away rather than wash it through and use again...

The thing is - the river bridge is a good mile from where he lives, and he'd have had to go through the centre of a CCTV riddled town to get home - how we all howled with laughter at the thought of him running through the shadows, pulling his t shirt over his bits for modesty...
( snee held his breath since, Mon 11 Jan 2010, 14:16, Reply)