Just wrong
When I was 17, and looked old enough, a group of us went on a night out in Glasgow. This was also the first night I had tried Ecstasy, and I was buzzing off my tits. The night is mostly a blur - stumbling from pub to pub, talking codshit to strangers and hugging everyone. I am normally quite a friendly drunk (not in a sleazy way...well maybe sometimes) and with the addition of Ecstasy I was a loved-up maniac.

We had ended up in the Solid Rock Cafe and had made our way downstairs. Being totally fucked at this point, we brazenly sat down at a random table and proceeded to make friends with those around us. I had sat beside a marginally attractive older woman, around 40ish, and the combination of beer goggles and Eccy madness led to me chatting her up.

I can't quite remember what we talked about - Winnie the Pooh seemed to feature, as did the Toxic Avengers, a cartoon from my childhood. Anyway, after talking shit for ages, she leans in and kisses me, passionately. And let me tell you, if you do take ecstasy, there is no better activity than kissing.

The only problem was, I was vaguely aware of a young guy sitting beside her, staring intensely at us. After sharing saliva for what seemed like hours, we came up for air, and I decided to introduce her to my friends. After plenty of hugs were exchanged, she turns round and introduces us to the guy sitting beside her.

"This is my son, Jason. He's 21"

All of a sudden, I was horrified. I had sat and got off with his mother, right in front of him. This was a delicate situation, and it obviously demanded all of my powers of diplomacy. So I did what any sane, rational person would do. I gave him a hug.

To this day, I still have no idea why he didn't punch my lights out. He is either a better man than I, or simply chickenshit. Or maybe he enjoyed it *shudders*

My mates found the whole thing hilarious, and I was labelled a 'motherfucker' for months afterwards. It was like a badge of honour.

To cap it all, as we leave to go to the Garage (a club in Glasgow), she grabs hold of me and kisses me goodbye (with tongue), again in front of her son, and then suggests I go home with her. Thankfully, my ecstasy-fueled need to dance triumphed over my ecstasy-fueled libido, and I declined.




Length? She never did find out
(Pavlov's Frog figures no-one really reads sigs anyway, Fri 12 Oct 2007, 1:22, Reply)