Oh, and there's this one too...
This was also during the Basingstoke years. I can't believe I forgot this one, too!!!

I shared a house with 3 other people, two lads and one lass. One of the lads is now a very good mate of mine, the other two, well...

They were cunts of the highest order. Really rude, ignorant, and untidy. What made it worse though, was that they ended up getting it together, having it off constantly - and noisily. Now, I wouldn't have minded that really - but what really got on mine and my mate's tits was the girls insistance on playing fucking 'Out Of Reach' by Gabrielle every time she was getting a bit of Afternoon Delight. Or Night Delight. Or Morning Delight for that matter. That and the knocking noise that her paramour's headboard would make on the wall seperating his room for the living room, meaning my evening Hollyoaks ogling session was frequently interrupted.

So, I needed to have revenge. Now, the girl was from a very posh family, her dad was 'new money', mum was from landed gentry and the girl made sure you knew about it. Even better, the family was staunch Catholic, so if they found out about the girls pre-marital indiscretion, she'd be buggered - in the figurative sense, though I got the impression that she liked it the literal way anyhow.

One night, my revenge came - it was even better that I didn't even have to think it through.

'Out Of Reach' is playing, the headboard's knocking and I'm having my Elize Du Toit (Izzy with the big norks off Hollyoaks) daydream ruined, when the phone rings.

It's her mum. 'Is V******* in?'

'Yes', I reply. 'Just a second'.

Without a thought, I walk to J**'s (the boy) room, put the phone near the doorway, so that mum can get a good listen of her lovely princess getting a good rogering, kick the door open, get a full view of the girl's knockers as she's on top, say

'Phone - it's your mum'

Throw the phone in her general direction, walk back into the living room to resume my TV viewing, all the while listening to the furious row that V******* is having with her mum about what exactly was going on.

I moved out a month later, which was a shame, because that month was the best I'd had in the house.

Last I heard, he dumped her after her dad had been round to their flat with a few of his colleagues with moves towards a shotgun wedding.

I always get a warm feeling everytime I remember that now...

I am a bad, bad man!
(scentless_apprentice takes two bottles into the shower!, Sun 14 Oct 2007, 18:09, Reply)