Only in Hull...
Back when I was learning to drive, my Dad delegated the task of driving to a family wedding in Hull to me. This was ostensibly for me to gain valuable experience, but in reality was because he wanted to get mashed and not have to worry about his nice new car getting nicked/damaged.

All went well. I ferried people to and from the service without incident and even found a parking space just round the corner from the reception. So I was feeling pretty pleased with myself when I went out in the wee small hours to get my vehicle. At least, I was until I saw what was happening to it.

Perched on the bonnet, mottled thighs spread, was a pram-faced young lady with a stylish "croydon facelift" hairstyle. Between said thighs thrust the hips of a trackie-sporting, jaunty-angled-hatted youth nonchalantly smoking a roll-up. He turned his head towards me, spat derisively, and resumed his porking.

I was transfixed by the horror of the scene, and would surely have remained there for all eternity (well, probably not, it was Hull and I don't have a death wish) had my Dad not been lumbering drunkenly behind me. Being more hardened to the debauchery of that scummy city, he simply drew himself to full height and yelled at the couple to get off my car.

The amorous young scamp, faced with an enormous, furiously enebriated military man, did exactly what one would expect. Handlessly shifting his cigarette across his mouth, he hefted his paramour by the buttocks, shifted her onto the edge of a bin (class) and continued sowing his wild oats. As you would.

We got in the car, dragging my wildly-gawping younger brother, and drove off in silence.

But that, my friends, is not the true horror of my tale. The truly shocking aspect of the torrid tableau was, in fact, my car itself...

A B-reg Vauxhall Nova.
(Vorlon, Tue 16 Oct 2007, 21:58, 5 replies)

You cheeky tart
Nothing wrong with a B-Reg Nova. I had one, it was ace, orange tartan interior and all...
(incrediblemonkeydoctor www.rantatsomeone.com - go on, have a rant, Wed 17 Oct 2007, 8:17, closed)

In the same way the Beckhams did it.....
...I can only imagine that 9 months later, Nova Courtney-Jordan Chavscum was born to the ever proud parents.
( HSDriver was probably still at work on, Wed 17 Oct 2007, 9:10, closed)

the nova
please say it was a blue one, complete with beige interior
(pogo_it, Wed 17 Oct 2007, 10:23, closed)

Wicked!
Hoya!

Fantastic story! The Nova bit is cracking!!! :D

Only chavs are pathetic enough to shag on a dust bin... Mind you, that's the best place to get preggo ;-)

Be funky

M A D
(MAD Life -The Best Antidote To Happiness, Wed 17 Oct 2007, 10:46, closed)

my first car was a nova

( willenium Fist bump for verification, Wed 17 Oct 2007, 12:19, closed)