How about this ...
Go out, buy Chris Rea's (ironically titled) 'Greatest Hits' album, stick it on full volume on repeat, spread out some plastic sheeting to stop the blood that will inevitably drip through the ceiling from staining your carpet, go down the pub for the evening...

The problem will solve itself with a bottle of gin, a knife and a hot bath in time for last orders. Just remember to leave handy hints around for her on Post-Its for a few days beforehand like "slit along the vein, not across" and "Warfarin will stop it clotting".

Apologies. I had a similar problem at around 3 this morning when my upstairs neigbour got home and I had to be up at 5-30 for work so I am a little grouchy today.
(Dionysian Aut viam inveniam aut faciam, Wed 17 Oct 2007, 9:12, Reply)