When I was in college years ago
I had one of the most terrifying experiences in my life. A bit of background; it was Paddys Day, I was in a shitty town (Sligo) in Ireland that was pretty much ran by two knacker families, any time there was a funeral or wedding everywhere in town closed shop for the day.

This day in particular there was an odd vibe in the air, cheap drink and rebel music meant there was a lot of tension and a few scuffles broke out during the day nothing to bad but coulda been better.

Fast forward to 8 o clock or so and I’m doing my very best to chat up some chick who was wayyyyy outta my league when yet another scuffle breaks out behind her and she gets knocked to the ground. Being the gentleman I am I leant down and helped he back to her feet keeping myself between her and the fight. She mutters that she is fine and excuses herself to go get cleaned up. No worries I think and turn back to my pint and my mates.

Except when I turn around the small scuffle has erupted into chaos, there are now at least 20 people swinging, kicking and swinging bottles. So startled and drunk as I was my reflexes could have been likened to a drugged sloth. I notice to late that someone has thrown a bottle at the fight and it’s missed completely and making a beeline for my head.

Smack Crash Swearwords etc. There is blood and glass everywhere and I stumble around, everything in that kinda slow motion clarity I thought was made up. It was horrific, people lifting tables covered in glasses and bottles and throwing the whole thing into the middle of floor which has now more people drinking than fighting. People were jumping down stairs onto people, “women” (note the “” as I use women as that was their sex but more like dogs) picking up anything they could throw and aiming for the mass of bodies.

People are going mental screaming, running, bleeding slashing and I in my uselessness end up doing a 360 and end up pretty much slap bang in the middle again when some gorilla grabs my and swings a pint bottle of Bulmers (Magners for you English types so a fairly big heavy bottle) towards my head. It shatters off my head and the broken bottle heads slightly off to the side where it proceeds to crack my collarbone and give it a pretty good gash for shits and giggles.

I fall back against a wall and slip down till I’m sitting looking at the fight. It’s now that my mates seen what had happened me and one of them who was in the Irish reserves (FCA) jumps for me and shoulders me to the nearest toilet. To bad it’s the womans and seeing a blood covered out of it guy being dragged in freaks the fuck out of every woman in there and they run for bouncers. As I’m being cleaned by my mate a bouncer then comes in looking for the guy who must have been involved in the fight. He shouts “Where is he” and as I raise my head and crimson mask he twigs who it is and says “Samantha Bricks Better Half?” (I had long curly hair in a ponytail and the makings of terrible facial hair so fairly recognizable to be A) me and B) not a scumbag.

He gets on the walkies and gets another 2 bouncers to come in and I get an escort the whole way through the fight where bouncers have now been called from next door top sort all this out and are swinging freely at anything that moves. I’m left with the barmaids behind the bar where they are told he’s a good customer take care of him.

Moral of the story if you are going to a shitty pub make sure you go regularly and get to know the bouncers!

Quick follow up 170 people were kicked out of the pub that night and I never seen the hotty again. Fun Fun Fun.
(Samantha Bricks Better half done a poo on, Thu 31 May 2012, 12:47, 15 replies)

you
were in a collage?
(little lord muthafuckin fauntleroy, Thu 31 May 2012, 12:50, closed)

arse bisuits
I always get collage and college mixed up.

Goes to show how well the education system in Ireland works
(Samantha Bricks Better half done a poo on, Thu 31 May 2012, 12:59, closed)

I'm fairly sure it just indicates that you're thick

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 31 May 2012, 13:00, closed)

I never seen anyone thicker.

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Thu 31 May 2012, 13:28, closed)

a few quick notes
The bar I was in had boucers that were ex Ra members and the bouncers next door were 11 brothers that took no shit.

And to show how connected it is down there one bouncer was stabbed by local scumbag and a few weeks later said scumbag and a friend were shot as they sat in a car with the IRA unofficially getting the blame, Tried looking for the story on line but typing shooting, IRA and Sligo gives way to many results

Oh never mind here it is www.rte.ie/news/2004/0328/shooting.html
(Samantha Bricks Better half done a poo on, Thu 31 May 2012, 12:57, closed)

At least you weren't brain damaged

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Thu 31 May 2012, 12:59, closed)

Nah
Nobody stood on my toe.
(Samantha Bricks Better half done a poo on, Thu 31 May 2012, 13:02, closed)

is this how it played out in your head when you spilled someone's soda and lime by accident?

( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 31 May 2012, 13:04, closed)

It was more like a cosmo
but the result was the same with people being stabbed with the small umbrella sticks.
(Samantha Bricks Better half done a poo on, Thu 31 May 2012, 13:09, closed)

Would this have been in the Leitrim by any chance?

(KDeath, Fri 1 Jun 2012, 15:00, closed)

It would indeed
Ringing a bell?
(Samantha Bricks Better half done a poo on, Tue 5 Jun 2012, 12:55, closed)

Fuck all that, you were in Sligo.
Tell us about The LOVELY Aine Chambers, with photos or GTFO.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Sun 3 Jun 2012, 8:20, closed)

Oh god
Why would you say her name, I had forgotten about her and I felt a better person for it, now though... now i just feel unclean again
(Samantha Bricks Better half done a poo on, Tue 5 Jun 2012, 12:57, closed)

found one

(Samantha Bricks Better half done a poo on, Tue 5 Jun 2012, 13:57, closed)

and two

(Samantha Bricks Better half done a poo on, Tue 5 Jun 2012, 13:58, closed)