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Vincent E - the school genius with head double the size of a normal human. His family didn't believe in Christmas, so they'd just sit round a candle on Dec 25th to spite everyone else. He once had to be escorted home in tears when he only got 99% in a maths A level that he'd taken two years early. He dropped out of university after three weeks because he missed his mum.

Jonathan Booker - jovially known as Booker the Fucker, or Stinker. He was an accidental baby and his parents were reputed to be in their nineties. Nobody had ever seen them until I caught a glimpse of his mother through their house window. She must have been 200 years old if she was day. She had stalactites.

Ian M - played Dungeons and Dragons, read all of Tolkien before he was 12 and liked computers. Enough said, I think.

Nigel Parkin - I know he won't read this, because he is illiterate. The school psycho, he would fight anyone just for practice (including, on one unfortunate occasion, a policeman). One time, there was a workman glazing a door leading the the dinner room. Fifteen year-old Parkin wanted to smoke, so he kicked the kneeling worker to the ground and stepped over him. The man seemed too amazed to react.

Paul S - a virgin at 21, he used to shit the bed, flagellate his buttocks with a coat hanger and masturbate into scented condoms. When we put his teddy in the freezer, he got so upset, he had to call his mum. He is now a music teacher and married to a woman ten years his senior who has been described as "a giganitcally fat and ugly beast" by people who attended the wedding.
(frankspencer, Fri 19 Jan 2007, 17:30, Reply)