That's one good thing that I've managed, at least.
I did in fact break the cycle by raising my kids differently than how I was raised.

There are three styles of parenting that are recognized- authoritarian, authoritative and permissive. The first is very autocratic- the parent who dictates what the child will do and when they will do it, and will fall on them like a load of bricks at any deviation. The last is the polar opposite, where the kids can do whatever they like with no consequence. The second variety is the preferable method- being the wise leader who guides them into life and shows the way.

I was raised by very dictatorial parents. When you raise a kid that way they generally get rebellious once they're out from under your thumb. I did so for a bit before I realized what a foolish game that was and did some heavy introspection.

I have sought to be authoritative with my kids, and it has worked well- all three know how to change their car's oil, to do laundry, to mop a floor, and so on. They're all very good cooks. They know how to manage money. They aren't afraid of going downtown on their own, but know which areas to stay out of. I think I've done well by them.

But as for me, I still have those parental recordings in my brain that tell me what a fuckup and a disappointment I am. I don't think they'll ever go away. At least I didn't transmit them on to my kids.

The scary voice that I have to work to ignore, though, is the one that tells me how easy it would be to lay all my burdens down, how the longer I go the more pain I'll have to endure, and how easy it would be to stop all of it. That one comes through a lot. I do brush it off as I know what would happen to my wife and kids were I to do what the voice keeps seductively suggesting, but it's still there.

I will have health insurance soon, and when I do I'll be making a beeline for the doctor. But until then I get to grit my teeth and go on as I've done for forty-odd years.
( Wanderer, Sun 17 Oct 2010, 12:46, Reply)