I'd like to somehow
painlessly achieve a greater ring-circumference than Goatse.
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 12:27, 6 replies)

Start by letting tiny little midgets fuck you
work your way up to beluga whales.
(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Mon 18 Oct 2010, 12:30, closed)

Hmmm.
Some midgets are quite well hung unfortunately. I don't have any data on Beluga whale cock but I suspect they're big, and I was hoping to achieve supra-goatse girth without any pain, discomfort or receptive anal intercourse.

We can all dream..
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 13:09, closed)

Where's the fun in that?

( .Yeti., Mon 18 Oct 2010, 13:59, closed)

I could terrify old people,
smuggle astonishing quantities of drugs, perhaps even reduce nearby objects to a singularity by sucking them in like some anal black-hole. Plus it would just be a good old-fashioned party-piece. What's not to like?
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Mon 18 Oct 2010, 16:25, closed)

let's be honest here
you could terrify astonishing quanities of drugs and smuggle old people, let alone the other way around.
I can't think of any way in which this could end well - you'd probably cause a brown-out every time you sneezed
( evilstevie misses the Orange Place of late, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 1:09, closed)

Ha ha! That's true.
I haven't really thought this one through, have I? Ideally I'd like to be able to expand and contract it - from grotesque to normal - at will, and retain complete control, thereby avoiding brown-outs.

Also, just think how gutted old Goatse himself would be to see his cherished internet meme status usurped by the cool, new kid on the block - moi!
(Happybara The jungle came alive and took him, Tue 19 Oct 2010, 9:41, closed)