Making fun of criminals
.
When we were newly-weds, we lived in a small flat near the centre of town. The flat was in a solid tenement building, both windows to the front. Our enchanting view was the back of the cash and carry, and ours was the only building in a very short dead-end street.

The street was also not well-lit, and was a target for drunks looking for a quiet place for a pee on the way home. Now that sounds pretty minor, but the stench was indescribable, and the residents took turns in tipping bleach or dettol laden water down the unused gate they all aimed at. If I'm honest, I'd never considered pee-ing somewhere public much of a crime until I was personally affected.

Being fairly near the city centre, regular police foot patrols passed by the end of our street, and any time I spotted them I made a complaint about the regular "piss-ups" in our street. Nothing, of course, ever happened. The local fuzz clearly considered a couple of dozen drunks fighting on Lothian Road more of a priority. Tut tut.

Direct action was called for. Summer was approaching and the prospect of not being able to have windows open should a hot day occur wasn't filling me with excitement. A plan was hatched....

My first course of action was simply looking out for the drunks pee-ing, and yelling at them through an open window. Much hilarity ensued as they pissed on their shoes, their mates' shoes, and on one occasion in his carry-out bag when startled. It was fun, but the novelty soon wore off. I then borrowed my wee nephew's water pistol - one of those big muckle things with a pump on it. Now this was real fun. Out on a Friday night, have a few drinkies, then home to spray the pissing drunks with water. Soon, though, I got bored again. So I swapped the water for Hi Karate. The very very cheap aftershave sold in pound shops at the time (£1 bought about a gallon). It had a very odd, and very powerful, smell.

This was the thing that actually worked - after a few drunks had been sprayed, the smell seemed to permeate the tarmac. Okay, we got a whiff every time we passed, but it was (marginally) more pleasant than stale kidney-filtered alcohol. And it seemed to stop anyone else using our street as a toilet.

Not sure if the effect lasted very long, but long enough for us to sell up, pocket a nice wee profit and move to the 'burbs. Where we spend the whole time dodging dog-shit on the pavements.

Shouldn't have given the wee guy back his water pistol, I could have tried the same stunt on the dog-walkers.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Thu 14 Feb 2008, 14:57, 2 replies)

I Like
Very much *clickety-click*
( MadAdamUk was last alive on, Thu 14 Feb 2008, 15:08, closed)

I've used the same technique on stray animals.
A friend had a problem with a strange cat entering his garage and beating up his cat, so I recommended exactly that- a Super Soaker filled with Eau de Roseanne. Apparently it worked, as the people kept their cat in at night from then on. (Or so I suppose, as it ended the problem.)

I've also sprayed dogs shitting in my yard. When someone's mutt comes home smelling like Joan Collins, they tend to be a bit more careful about letting him roam loose.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 14 Feb 2008, 15:25, closed)