I woke up to the sound of rummaging coming from our garage
I was 15 at the time, brave, but not foolish, so I crept into my older brother's room with a baseball bat to tell him we were being burgled. Then we went to tell Dad, who is a policeman.

If a criminal works out he's in a copper's house, he doesn't just trash the joint; the place is marked for life, so we huddled down for a minute to discuss an action plan. My brother and I were to go out of the front door to block off the end of the driveway, and my Dad would go out the back door, close to the garage, and take the guy down.

We looked at eachother, nodded, my brother opened the front door, stark bollock naked, and we got into our positions.

The thief was nicking my brother's bike, and had just timed his depature to coincide with my brother leaping out of the house, bollocks to the wind, baseball bat in hand. I heard bellowed in a teenage voice "what the FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE..." and then a "THWOCK."

The thief had thrown the bike at my brother, who took it on the arm, rallied, and then smacked the guy in the ribs with the bat. He went down, my old man cuffed him, rozzers were called and my brother received 400 quid in compensation for the nasty bruise he took. When quizzed, the cheeky fucking pikey admitted to stealing MY bike the previous week as well. He gave his name as James Bond, resisted arrest, and got three months for a string of similar offences in the area.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 15 Feb 2008, 11:22, 2 replies)

"Bollocks to the wind" = click
For the hilarious image of some little pikey being attacked by a nude man with a baseball bat.
(LongJohnBaldry, Fri 15 Feb 2008, 11:49, closed)

Surely
If you had enough time to come up with a plan, there was enough time to put something on...
(Bluffboy South Africa! World Champions!!!, Fri 15 Feb 2008, 12:59, closed)