The polite mugger
I went to London to gawp at the big city and was excitedly standing on an underground platform waiting for the tube. In front of me was a small crowd of people including a girl at the front with a shoulder bag and, I noticed, a young black guy who appeared very nervy. He was twitching shiftily and my Guardian-reader head said 'Maybe he's on his way to take an exam,' but my Daily Mail head said 'well why is he sweating and looking shiftily at that girl's bag then?' My two minds conferred and came to the right-wing conclusion that he was about to commit a financially motivated malfeasance.

So, do I call the girl over on some pretext and defuse the situation or do I shout 'Look out love, there's a mugger behind you?'

Or, soft cunt, do I stand there like a lemon hoping everything will be OK?

Guess.

Anyway, tube train pulls up, girl steps toward doors, mugger grabs bag, turns and rapidly pushes his way back through the throng, almost pushing people over and suddenly he is face to face with yours truly.

It seems like a slow-motion moment and as we eyeball each other he actually says 'Excuse me!!!'

Well, being British, I stand aside and let him through as girl without handbag legs it after him! (At least I avoided the temptation to respond 'Certainly, young man' as I stepped aside.)

Oh, the shame.
Oh the horror, the horror...
(fergus the bogeyman Beware of geeks bearing gifs!, Mon 18 Feb 2008, 9:48, 1 reply)

This is hilarious!
A fitting tribute to Britishness.
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Mon 18 Feb 2008, 13:05, closed)