sam!
yet again my friend sam makes for a story. although no sh1t this time, thank god.

when we were about 17 and very stupid, my friend jo and i were driving everyone home from the pub in 2 cars. as jo went round a huge corner (past the classy george in stockport) sam decided to hang out of the sunroof and flash her waps at the great nightlife of downtown stockport. well, a few insomniac pigeons and some tumbleweed, anyway.

the police pulled jo over and started talking about giving her 3 points. at which point sam got involved. we were watching helplessly from a bit further up the a6. we saw the policemen snarl with rage and turn on sam, handcuffing her, and driving off with her!!!

shit, what would her parents say? we dialled the police station for about an hour, and they were very nice and friendly. then their voices changed on the 15th call.

"about 5'6, long brown hair, white t-shirt? foul mouth? yeah, we've got her. you can stop calling now." and they hung up.

the following morning, sam limped into where we were all staying at about 8.30am. apparently she had abused the police the whole way there, telling them her name was "samantha bl0w j0b" and that she lived at "44 f*ck you avenue" etc. they thought she was on drugs, she was so unpredictable and vile.

at about midnight the head of the police station tried to be nice to her and talk to her sensibly. sam spat at him and laughed manically. he wiped his face and it turned to stone.

the next morning he woke her up at about 4am by banging on the bars of her cage. er, cell. trembling, sober, distressed, sam crept forwards and smiled piteously at him.

"it's not funny now, is it?" he said gently.

"no," she whispered.

"do you want to go home?" he said kindly.

"yes please," she said.

"now that's funny," he retorted and walked off, pissing himself.

2 hours later they charged her, told her to expect a summons and made her walk home. at 6am. with no money.

did it teach her a lesson? does the pope sh1t in the woods? 2 years later she was in my passenger seat and we were driving somewhere. we'd been clubbing and it was about 3am.

next minute i've been pulled over, which is odd because i knew i was driving perfectly correctly. as i pull over, sam confides,

"oh shit, i threw a sandwich box out of the window and it hit that policecar..."

nice one, einstein.

however, as the police were breathalysing me and searching my bag, they told me that they were just scaring sam and that they had just wanted to stop us because they were bored and wanted to read the sign writing on my summer holiday job car. stupid job.

sam was much more penitent this time, and the policemen were hot, so actually this one had a bit of a happier ending...

she still got fined for dropping litter though!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 20 Feb 2008, 19:00, Reply)