In the 1980s I worked in a seafood shop.
So here I was, 21 years old, no car, living in a very bad area of Rochester NY (to give you an idea of how bad, it was the area that Arthur Shawcross was picking off victims from), and living hand to mouth. My place of employment? A seafood wholesaler and retailer three blocks away. My job? Run the retail store.

By now you've gotten to know what I'm like- working a minimum wage job frying fish and weighing out cod fillets for old Italian women was a bit on the stultifying side, to say the least.

A guy has to entertain himself somehow, right?

The fresh fish was kept in a case that had originally been a glass front refrigerated display from a deli. It was still refrigerated, but the boss had removed the glass from the front so customers could reach in for things themselves. The result: glass doors in the back, a metal shelf across the front with an overhanging lip, and bins with crushed ice in them and fish laid on top.

One day we got a load of Maryland blue crabs in. The body on one of these things is about the size the of the palm of my hand- not very big. You boil them, then eat part of the body and the legs. The thing about them, though, is that they're very active and very hostile.

I happened to know this, having spent some time in Maryland catching them with another kid. Apparently the boss didn't. After the crabs spent the first morning scavenging the fillets on display, they were kept confined in a box in there.

Well, so now I had a supply of pets to play with.

If you set a blue crab on the floor he scuttles sideways, typical crab style, with his claws raised threateningly. They're quick, and if they catch onto something with a claw they will not let go, no matter what. Vicious little bastards. However, if you're quick you can grab them by the back of the shell- basically by what should be their butt- and their claws can't reach you.

So what did I do? I grabbed them by the butt, let them raise their claws, then held them up to the metal lip of the case and put their claws around the edge of the metal lip and shook them. They grabbed onto the lip and wouldn't let go.

My record was eight of them strung up in a row like some sort of demented Christmas decorations.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 8 Jan 2009, 14:41, 8 replies)

Did you make crabby patties?
*hopes*
( girlinthehole, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 15:05, closed)

No, though I can.
At the time I deep fried fish and french fries- in other words, it was what you know as a chippy shop. We also sold fresh and frozen stuff, but didn't cook any of it in any way other than deep frying.

The only one who would come anywhere near me when I got home was my roommate's cat.

Everyone else thought I smelled like a fanny.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 8 Jan 2009, 15:10, closed)

A chippy shop!
That's so sweet :)
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:23, closed)

I sooooo know what the theme or this year's christmas tree will be...
.
( Fireflier La la la la, not listening on, Thu 8 Jan 2009, 15:14, closed)

Apparently Happy Toast had a similar thought.
www.b3ta.com/board/9076169

I think you should combine the two.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 8 Jan 2009, 15:17, closed)

I really like this :)
*clicked* accordingly.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Fri 9 Jan 2009, 10:31, closed)

I want PHOTOS!!!
That sounds so cool. And so yummy...mmm, crab.
(Angie the Redneck Wonder, Mon 12 Jan 2009, 8:29, closed)

It's not often
That I actually LOL at something on the internet. A click, good sir.
(Affero-Dolor made noodles using a cuppa soup on, Wed 14 Jan 2009, 0:13, closed)