I'm a plastic copper so...
How do I amuse myself? I laugh at my colleagues:

My newest deputy has been excitedly telling old ladies in the park about how the chalk markings on the pavement are "drug dealers marking prices and territory". Or, as the old lady in question was telling me "I didn't have the heart to tell him that it was kids playing hopscotch".

Same one today was telling me how he'd confiscated a child's mobile phone, used it to call the kid's mother and ordered her to drive down and pick him up immediately. A telling off in front of his pals, being dragged home by a furious mother, and a lifetime's resentment of the police...and the crime? He'd shook up a can of coke and sprayed his mates with it.
(Caveat Emptor, Tue 13 Jan 2009, 0:53, 3 replies)

I would really like to believe
that both of these are examples of fiction but it wouldn't suprise me one bit if they were 100% true.
I was walking alongside a special constable once who was off duty. It was the middle of the afternoon and he spotted 3-4 guys outside a pub. It was a pub with an old reputation for being a drug hotspot. He was around 50 yards away and he thought he saw one of the group pass 'something' to someone else in the group. I will stress he couldn't be sure what was passed at all.

He phoned it in to the police station immediately. I'd like to think they had a snigger at him back at the office. He probably envisioned them sending two unmarked cars full of Narcs.
(muzzvsworld, Tue 13 Jan 2009, 3:34, closed)

I was set upon by 2 CID officers one night
Both were just looking for information from an address in a horribly confusing council estate I used to live in and it was 2 in the morning. I was worse for wear after a good drinking session and was stumbling back to my house, deep in one of the corners of the estate. The woman and man walk upto me and she produces her ID.
"Can you tell me where to find this house?" she asks.
"Sorry, this place is like a maze around here, I hardly know the streets myself...."
The bloke jumps in and shouts at me with "YOU EITHER TELL US WHERE IT IS OR YOU'LL BE DONE WITH POLICE OBSTRUCTION!!!" As he says that I glance at her and she's giving him the look of "You utter utter twat."
I answer rather calmly "Look at the street map just behind you and follow the numbers, not exactly Snakes and Ladders is it?" He turns around and there's this roadmap of utter confusion beside him. "Now what number are you after?"
He sheepishly gives me the number and I find it on the map, other side of the estate. He gets back into the car and the female officer says "Thanks, and sorry about him" before hopping back into the car herself and driving off. I'd imagine she gave him a right rollocking when they got out of earshot; Swansea isn't exactly the land of the Sweeney.

Here's an upto date map of the area, when I lived there there were more roads and a shedload of flats in the middle of the estate. Was a postman's nightmare.
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Tue 13 Jan 2009, 8:14, closed)

At last!
A bunch that are more anal than some of the Specials I used to work with!

They used to get hardons giving out CLE26es. FFS.

I don't envy you mate as you don't sound as sad as your colleagues.
(Strangechap I look normal on the outside..., Tue 13 Jan 2009, 9:10, closed)