my friend sam
whom those of you who read the post will remember as the one who killed the canary during our duke of edinburgh care for animals got herself a job in an old people's home when she was 17. many many stories involving shit, puke, obscenities, flashing and trapping an old man's nob under a mattress and stretching it, but one in particular stands out for me:

there was an old woman named annie who was very difficult. she liked to wander around in her nightie, flashing her bare old lady bush and growling at people who looked away. this sunday, some of her family had driven up from london to see her. but annie did not want to be removed from her easy access nightie.

somehow the task of getting easy annie dressed fell to the work experience kid, so sam had to try and do it. annie, who had no idea what day of the week it was, nonetheless had a feral instinct about when there was going to be an attempt to dress her. there was a guttural snarl as sam entered the room, and annie came at her with a wire coathanger.

at this point, sam calmly turned around and walked out. she came back with a giant pair of kitchen scissors, growled back and cut the nightie clean open and then in half.

annie was so shocked that she let sam dress her and was as meek and mild as milk. but she did get her own back when she shat herself on the walk downstairs...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 May 2007, 10:05, Reply)