spiders, stories and weight loss
i've had many projects go wrong, but this tale is about one that stopped before it started, one that has stalled and one that has, so far, gone spectacularly right.

The Non-Starter
several years ago, i decided to invent something. not just anything, i had a fair idea of what i wanted to create. it was a device for getting spiders out of the bath, perfect for people afraid of spiders, or so i thought. however, after asking some friends, i discovered that people who weren't scared of spiders didn't mind getting them out of the bath themselves, whereas people who were scared would much rather know where the spider is than have it escape from the bath and roam around their homes.
my plans were effectively dashed.

The Staller
for the last 2 years, i've been writing a book. i've done about 7 chapters so far and the people who've seen them have all given very positive reviews, but i just can't seem to find the enthusiasm to finish it. i will one day.

The Success
after a lifetime of being very overweight, i finally decided last year that enough was enough. on june 23rd 2008, weighing in at a massive 29st 13lbs, i had gastric bypass surgery. it was keyhole surgery and the most painless hospital experience i've ever had. as of this tuesday, i weigh 15st 4lbs and the weight is still coming off.
i don't care about not finishing other projects, the important ones get done.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 4 Dec 2009, 0:06, 12 replies)

Well done :) that's an amazing achievement!
*click*
( Maladicta, Fri 4 Dec 2009, 1:35, closed)

ta!
the only problem is, i've got loose skin on my stomach and when i sit down, it turns into a shelf! seriously, i can balance a cup of tea on it!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 4 Dec 2009, 1:42, closed)

Wallpaper scissors
and vodka

Edit: And clicks
(kebabking - salad and garlic mayo pls, Fri 4 Dec 2009, 9:19, closed)

ow!
i'll wait, i'm getting a tummy tuck next year!
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 4 Dec 2009, 17:28, closed)

If you pull at your skin elsewhere, does it take up the slack and tighten up your tummy skin?
If it does, keep it and stretch out your skin at your sides, then you can glide like a flying squirrel!
( Bob Todd whee, Fri 4 Dec 2009, 17:40, closed)

i wish it did!

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 4 Dec 2009, 18:15, closed)

You should totally do this, it would be epic.

( Maladicta, Fri 4 Dec 2009, 23:25, closed)

if i could, i would, trust me

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 5 Dec 2009, 0:20, closed)

With regards getting spiders out of the bath
Cats are awesome at this.
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Fri 4 Dec 2009, 11:15, closed)

yes, but
cats freak me right out.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 4 Dec 2009, 17:29, closed)

Such a spider-removing device exists already; you can buy them from Lakeland.
www.lakeland.co.uk/spider-catcher/F/product/20455?src=gpsol&sq=spider%20catcher

Congrats on the weight loss! :D I just looked at your recent profile pic - what a difference!
( Bob Todd whee, Fri 4 Dec 2009, 17:38, closed)

ta!
i've lost another 3 stones since then!
also, my invention wasn't a spider catcher, it was a ladder.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 4 Dec 2009, 18:15, closed)