Well
apart from the four novels that I've started and never got beyond 30,000 words for each (unfortunately they're very different so I can't just combine the 120,000 or so words I've wasted my life on), the mountain of failed projects in terms of essays etc, my own personal failed project was learning to play the violin.
At age eight or so I was sent to a very expensive school (which I left after two years because it was shit). It entailed massive sacrifices on my parents part, so there was a sense of obligation, that I had to do my very very best at everything. Since I'm relatively smart, the work was no problem. What was a problem was the music.

The school was musical. Every child had to play two instruments, with an optional third, as well as sing. I wangled recorder, and for my second I got violin. I love the violin as an instrument. It is beautiful and amazing. In the hands of a eight year old with bad eyesight, and a notable lack of hand-eye co-ordination it was a disaster.

Three or four lessons a week, my parents buying me a 3/4 length violin, and I was still staring flustered at the music, fumbling Hot Cross Buns while my contemporaries progressed to actual music. My hair which was light blond and flyaway escaped and entangled itself with the bow strings, I got hot and flustered, and started hiding behind the violin teacher's sofa in order to gulp some lunch because I had to take extra practice at lunchtime and we weren't allowed food near the violins.

I still remember the sickening shame after a year of straining utterly to play this goddamn instrument that hated me, of my violin teacher- the woman who was being paid to teach me, laying her hand gently on my shoulder and told me there really wasn't much point continuing with lessons. I also got asked not to come to choir practice anymore as my voice was throwing off the other singers.
I kept the violin for years, pondering whether to try again and realising the time was past. I'm 21 now and chucked it a couple of years ago. So that was my failed project- an attempt to join in the musical world that everyone else seems to just get the hang of
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 10 Dec 2009, 3:07, 1 reply)