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This is a question "You're doing it wrong"

Chthonic confesses: "Only last year did I discover why the lids of things in tubes have a recessed pointy bit built into them." Tell us about the facepalm moment when you realised you were doing something wrong.

(, Thu 15 Jul 2010, 13:23)
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I must have thought it was a toilet...
So here's my story which very fittingly for this QOTW happened Saturday night just gone:

I went over to my friend's house to partake in a delightful evening of good company and getting completely mashed off my (proverbial man) tits. I'd already lost me lunch about an hour after getting there due to hitting one of those gravity bong things a bit too hard and not being able to take it (I would have been able to a few years ago but haven't done one for ages, who would've thought).

Not one to be discouraged, I jumped straight back on the horse and carried on drinking the night away. There were only 6 of us (3m 3f) and my 12 pack went soon enough, as did the other 10 or so beers already in the fridge. Off to another mate's house we went and carried on drinking the beer in his fridge, playing a bit of darts etc. etc.

After a while the 6 dwindles to 3 - my mate the home owner and his missus, and I. We started watching some shit on the TV (I introduced him to the excellent The Inbetweeners) and his missus apparently went off to bed while I passed out on his sofa in a most dignified way.

And this is what I did wrong: At some point in the night (about 6.30/7am) my friend woke me up rather abruptly saying I'd just pissed everywhere.
"What? Nah I don't think so mate what the fuck are you talking about?"
"You've just pissed on my bed"
"Shut up mate no I didn't"
"Look, there's piss all over your shorts and my bed, plus you're sleeping in my dog's bed."
"What the fuck?!" So this is the point it starts to dawn on me that he might not have been joking around as my leg did indeed feel a little wet. I jumped up to hear the shower running and see his girlfriend poke her head round the door to ask him for a towel. What made all this the better was that apparently she'd been asleep in the bed at the time.

So, I get up and fully realise what's happened. I'm told I'd been asleep on the sofa and suddenly got up and left the room, all doing so with my eyes closed. I walked towards the bathroom and unfortunately took a left turn instead of a right, into his bedroom and 'pointed percy at the poor bird asleep'. Well, not quite at her luckily (I think I may have gotten myself shot for this as I do remember seeing him pocket his gun when he went outside earlier in the evening) but I just stood over his bed and pissed all over it, all over his $200 memory foam mattress and his sheets, which had all seeped (sept?) over to his sleeping girlfriend who at first thought it was sweat but then horrifyingly discovered it wasn't.

Luckily they were very good about it, I think it was the way I was completely mortified and most incredibly apologetic, not allowing anyone to help me clean up and offering a professional clean on me.

I've not spoken to him since and am wondering if I should buy her some flowers or something (but not yellow ones)? Any ideas?!?!

Edit: I'm relatively new so forgot to add a "Length? About a foot from my waist to the bed."
(, Mon 19 Jul 2010, 21:43, 2 replies)
Apologise to your friend's girlfriend profusely
and then offer her the chance to piss all over you in bed.

All will be forgiven.
(, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 1:09, closed)
Offer to pay her money

..if she'll piss on you in bed.

That always goes down well. She'll really appreciate it*. Honest

*she probably won't.
(, Tue 20 Jul 2010, 7:32, closed)

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