I once had christmas day working in a gold mine
It was a completely normal working day, other than the fact the caterers were forced to wear christmas hats. they servered up pork burgers, the 20th day in a row we'd had dishes involving pork mince. I'd heard rumour they got a deal on cheap bulk pork mince. At night we got pissed at the wet mess, but we did that every night of the week as there was absolutely nothing else to do in the godforsaken desert. No tv. no radio, no internet. beer and well used porno mags were all we had.
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Tue 22 Dec 2015, 14:31, 3 replies)

beer and well used porno mags
Are all you need.
(Bob the Builder killed Captain Alex, Tue 22 Dec 2015, 18:27, closed)

No pain involved...
But it is about my gonads.

So, aged sixteen, my dad was going on and on to me about whether I could pull my foreskin back. One of his ancestors had died of knob rot because he was too embarrassed to tell anyone, and my dad also had loads of problems with his cock, so I suppose it was on his mind. (You've heard of athlete's foot - well, for years my dad had athlete's cock. I think he had toadstools growing out of the end of it.)

Anyway.

So one day I tried to pull said foreskin back. It was really tight, but I managed it. By this time, the end of my cock was the size of a golf ball, the rest had the diameter of a frankfurter and the end was getting purple. Try as I might, I couldn't get it back.

The following day, I went to the doctor. He tugged at my cock for ages, and gave up. He phoned the hospital, and if I remember correctly, got me in the following day. (This obviously wasn't the UK, otherwise I'd still be on an NHS waiting list to get onto the waiting list.)

So I went to the hospital. The specialist was an old bloke. He asked me to drop my trousers and pants. After taking one look, he invited me across the corridor to another room. Here I had to lie on a table thing. This is where it gets surreal. There were two (female) nurses present. I swear one was chewing gum, the other was sucking on a lollipop. The old doc tugged like mad at my teenage love truncheon. One nurse removed the lolly from her mouth, and said "Do you want any lubricant?" "Nah" said the doc, still yanking on my pork sword. Honestly, it was like a Channel 4 sitcom. In the end he succeeded - I can't remember whether there was a comedy "plop" noise or not.

He looked down and said "Hmm... that'll have to come off." For a split second, I thought he meant to amputate my willy.
That proved not to be the case, and the rest of the story is pretty boring.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 22 Dec 2015, 21:44, closed)

I thought it was going to end much more horrifically
And cringed
( LemonEntryMyDearWatson This time, Moriarty, the hand is on the other foot, Wed 23 Dec 2015, 13:36, closed)