This.
I tell anyone who wants to buy me presents to make a charity donation in my name instead. My mum sponsored some Indian vulture chicks for me.
( Bob Todd whee, Tue 26 Dec 2006, 22:45, archived)

I shall donate a gobbet of semen to Thames Water
in your name

*works on donation*
(Ronnie Spleen MMMMNEURRGH I AM A GAY SPAZ AND I LOVE IT UP MY BU, Tue 26 Dec 2006, 22:47, archived)