My wife gave birth and the kid had a massive umbilical cord
They cut it near his navel, but there was still metres and metres of cord hanging from her noo noo. Anyway, the midwife goes up to my wife, presses on her right foot and the cord retracts all the way back up inside her like a hoover. That's why we called him Henry.
( magnum, Thu 7 May 2009, 21:04, archived)

I bet she has terribly sore nipples from feeding

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Thu 7 May 2009, 21:06, archived)

Yeah, it really hurts
She always says "Die son, die son" when feeding. It's not nice.
( magnum, Thu 7 May 2009, 21:10, archived)

hotpoints

( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Thu 7 May 2009, 21:15, archived)